PMT empathy

I've been feeling depressed and anti-social again today. For lunch I couldn't face being around anyone else, so I got take-out from the canteen and went to sit on my own in a room.

What doesn't help a bad mood is when people who know you suffer from seasonal affective disorder just say stuff like "Just sit in front of your light/go get some sun". It feels like you're being told that if you have a shit mood/bad day, the only possible reason is your SAD, and so once you sort that out then everything will always be fine for you. I'm just glad that most people don't know I suffer from depression too, otherwise being told to "just go and take your Prozac" might drive me to physical violence. I really sympathise with women, who frequently suffer from the indignity of having their anger labelled as "must be their time of their month". All you bearers of the XX chromosome, please accept my apologies as someone with XY chromosomes.

What did make things better (in addition to an afternoon nap today) was being asked to have a coffee with C------. (Incidentally she is one of the few who I think realises I suffer from depression - a few people know a certain things, which combined with attention and empathy should let them know my mental status). After the skills session today (where we learnt to intubate - really exciting! Just like on TV, but much, much harder - requiring more muscle power than they show) she asked if I fancied a coffee. We went to have a chat for 20 minutes and she asked after me, but just the action of speaking to someone who came to find me was lovely and made me feel like I'm a part of the world, and not just floating lost.

Thanks C------. I noticed that after that, and after a nap things are getting progressively better. I may still be up after midnight trying to do work for tomorrow, with an exam that I feel underprepared for looming, but I feel ok about it.

AcidCat

Disaffected and Out of sorts

So we're alone again
I wish it were over, we seem to never end
Only get closer to the point where I can take no more
The clouds in your eyes
Down your face they pour

Won't you be the new one burn to shine
I take the blue ones every time
Walk me down your broken line
All you have to do is cry
Yes, all you have to do is cry

Hush my baby now
Your talking is just noise
And won't lay me down
Amongst your toys
In a room where I can take no more
The clouds in your eyes
Down your face they pour

Won't you be the new one burn to shine
I take the blue ones every time
Walk me down your broken line
All you have to do is cry
Yes, all you have to do is cry

Photographs and brightly colored paper
Are your mask you wear in this caper
That is our life
We walk right into the strife and a tear from your eye brings me home

Won't you be the new one
Burn to shine
I take the blue ones every time
Walk me down your broken line
All you have to do is cry

-- Closer - Joshua Radin


Don't know why it is. Maybe it's the gloomy, miserable weather. Maybe it’s the imminent exam that I feel extremely unprepared for. Maybe it’s due to feeling betrayed by the course and administrators of it. Maybe it’s because no-one here really seems to want me as a proper friend, just a fun/polite acquaintance. Maybe it’s because people don’t behave honourably and will just get what they can out of life. Maybe it’s even just because I’m not getting enough sleep. (I’ve even been told I’ve been subdued today because I’ve swapped my red bandana for a blue one).

No matter what, I’ve spent the day feeling disappointed. I’ve not been as chirpy as normal. I haven’t thought highly of people, or patient with them. I’ve got a cynical, pessimistic view of the people around me – the world at large.

The world is a cold place. People go around in their self-contained, self-absorbed bubbles; trying to screw everyone else over, just making sure they end up in front of everyone else. When people give more than they take, the rest of the world sucks the generous few dry. We bounce around alone, gathering fleeting moments of happiness, trying to shield ourselves from the world out there that doesn’t care. When you start to fall, who is there to help catch you?

All you have to do is cry.

AcidCat

Look into my eyes... not around my eyes

I'm currently buzzing. I've just had my first session of trying to hypnotise someone else.

I've been flicking through lots of books on hypnosis, but mainly working from

"The dreamer's guide to mastering self-hypnosis" by Charles Tebbett
"Scripts & strategies in hypnotherapy" by Roger P. Allen
and
"Tricks of the mind" by Derren Brown.

I've always been fascinated by hypnosis, especially after seeing what Derren Brown does on TV. I still don't really understand hypnosis, despite reading about it (and I have no idea how stage hypnosis works, especially as quickly as that for the induction).

Anyway, V-- kindly agreed to be my guinea pig today. I had scribbled down some notes to give me some pointers and planned roughly what I was going to say. It was mainly a really relaxing script, to make a feeling and sensation of heaviness, with a little bit of trying to help with insomnia thrown in as a bonus (as I thought it was subtle anyway).

I was really nervous at the start, and certain bits didn't go so well. Like when I tried to make her arm really heavy and stick, she was able to lift it, albeit quite slowly and heavily. Luckily Derren Brown's book had mentioned a get around for that so it carried on ok.

The session ended up feeling like just a prolonged relaxation session, there was no magic there... I wonder if that is what hypnosis is: relaxation of the conscious mind to try and alter the subconscious? I needed to work on the pacing - I was leaving pauses in the wrong places, and I also contradicted some of the images V-- built up in her head by things I said (and when I brought her out at the end I forgot to say she could open her eyes, which meant she finished a bit confused and unsure), but otherwise I think it went well. I enjoyed it, and once I got over my nerves at the start, things went well.

I'm excited. Looking forwards to trying it again! Just have to do a large chunk of work first... exams on Friday (written) and Monday week (practical - OSCEs)

Let's go and work!

AcidCat

PS Huge thanks to V-- for being such a kind guinea pig. You were fantastic and really supportive, and I really appreciated the lovely feedback!

Snow willpower

Work life balance needs a little bit of work...

This weekend I've had too much life, and too little work. Fun, yes, but not right.

This evening I should have been more focussed.

To be fair though, it snowed! Enough to snowball fight and snowman... I wasn't sure if it would still be there tomorrow, so I went to frolic out in the snow. It was really enjoyable but it did mean I'm up at 2 am having done my work to a standard which is ok, but not as well as I would like.

Ah well, tomorrow is a new day!

AcidCat

Chinese New Year resolutions

Just got back from a Tube station themed party (I pillaged the nearest hedge, and with the benefit of copious sticky tape and staples, went as "Bushey" - without realising that Bushey is only an overground railway station and not an underground. Sigh. The costume almost doubles up for Green Park or Wood Green) which I wasn't very keen on going to. I was thinking of ditching it as I wasn't in the mood up until climbing into the cab.

As you might be able to guess as I'm now writing this after 5 am, I had a lovely time, really enjoyed myself and was thoroughly glad I went. I received a lovely compliment from a friend (L----) who didn't realise I was having second thoughts about medicine, who said that I would make a good doctor and said I was very talented and that I had a lot of charisma which in his opinion was a large part of the battle with doctoring (this coming from a guy who is super-charismatic). The whole evening shows an advantage to saying yes.

So, in honour of this, and as I made so many New year resolutions that I lost track of them, here are my Chinese new year resolutions...

1) Be Happy.
2) Be Focussed (i.e. when working I'm going to work, when playing I'm going to play. I'm not going to mix the two).
3) If I don't know whether to say yes or no, I'm going to say yes.

3 resolutions seems reasonable. Let's do it!

AcidCat

Full of Friday Fun

Anatomy, then pathology museum trail, respiratory workshop on asthma, lunch, paid bills for this term's rent and tuition fees for the term, 2 epidemiology lectures (during which I fell asleep), expert forum and then the weekend began!

Went to the pub to briefly celebrate A----'s birthday earlier this week, then went back, grabbed a quick snack in readiness for gymnastics. Got off at the wrong bus stop, got horribly lost, so ended up having a long walk with T-- and missed the session. Did have a bit of a man-to-man bonding session though which was good (turns out that my suspicions on Monday that he knew what my romance situation was probably correct - must learn to be less blatant and wear my heart on my sleeve less. Am now a bit worried that the amazing one also knows...). Got fish and chips for dinner (greasy but a real comfort food).

Headed back to Tooting, and rejoined A----'s party who were having dinner. Most of the people at dinner left, but went to the bar in Kennington with the stragglers (catalysed by T-- and V-- going). It was good fun. First chance to dance for a while (and I think I did impress a couple of people with my skills), drank a bit too much (which in my case was three drinks), and was generally great fun, especially as I got to spend some time with V-- who is awesome fun.

Left the bar some time after 2 am. Came back with A----, T--, V-- and D---- and D-----. V-- said she was almost sick on the way back in the cab, so she went straight to bed. The rest of us went to the common room to watch TV. I brought up some drinks and made some popcorn (mental note to self, popcorn made while drunk is not so good - over-sweet in my case this time) which went down quite well. A fair chunk of popcorn got eaten, and the raspberry gin got finished. Watched the end of Amelie and had an interesting conversation of suitably filthy levels. Interesting events between T-- and A----... I was sad about the evening finishing, but to be honest it's for the best if I want tomorrow to be productive... It's nearly 5am as it is.

AcidCat

A nice compliment

Conversation today with V--.

V--: "Everyone has ex-boyfriends".
Me: "I don't. I haven't had a single one."
V--: "Ok, fair enough. But you've had ex-girlfriends though haven't you?"
Me: "Erm. Actually, no."
V--: "Really? With your looks and personality I'm really surprised!"

And I could tell that there wasn't any sarcasm intended in the final comment. A lovely complement to receive, especially as I got a few kicks in my pursuit of my loved one today (She said again she's not looking for a relationship, and she mentioned someone else (a demonstrator) that she finds hot, and she thinks might also quite like her).

Another positive was a nice chat with my ex-PBL buddy C------ tonight. We skirted around my relationship woes (I think she's guessed who and how things are), and if we are both on the same wavelength, she thinks that things are going quite well in my slow and steady chase...

Here's hoping.

AcidCat

P.S. Happy Birthday J--! Just finished his party (it's still carrying on without me in our kitchen). It was fun and my popcorn making skills went down well. Another compliment is to have your skills or talents appreciated.

Happy New Year!

It's Chinese new year today (well, technically as I'm posting after midnight, it was yesterday).

Anyway, happy year of the Ox to you all.

I've had a fabulous night out tonight with fun, food, fireworks, friends, flatmates and the fantastic one.

A bit of an awkward moment when my love life or lack thereof was discussed, right in front of my loved one, but it was a great evening all the same.

Let's hope this year gives me the resilience, willpower, and damned stubbornness of the Ox!

AcidCat

I see dead people

Another day where I knew there was lots I wanted to say during the day, and now I'm just doing a quick post before bed, I've forgotten it all.

The main thing I wanted to say from today is that I've finally hit the point that seeing the cadavers in the dissecting room while studying anatomy feels normal now. It's still not pleasant (the smell of embalming fluid will never be appetising for me), but I can now concentrate on learning, and am not constantly freaking out going "Oh my god, there's a dead person there!". Now the main things disrupting my learning is the fact that anatomy is hard - (just the sheer volume of things to learn), the fact I'm not particularly clever, and the fact I get distracted by pretty people (I sometimes share a group with the amazing one, and also there is one demonstrater there (A---) who is so strikingly beautiful that she wouldn't look out of place on a catwalk. Even the amazing one thinks that A--- is hot (and she said she would!) and she's so kind, sweet, knowledgeable, patient (and has a sense of humour too!). I would have her babies...

And I got to chat to the amazing one while walking home today. It made me very happy! I'm really looking forwards to Chinese new year on Monday! Just have to get through all the work due in between...

AcidCat

Thank god (if one exists and should be thanked) it's Friday

Another week down... it's the weekend!

I've had a good evening. It's come in three sections:

1) Pub
Spent the day exhausted. Went to the pub with some of my coursemates, catalysed by the fact it was one of my new group members birthdays today. It was a bit of a waste of time. I ended up in a corner of the pub with G---, L---, M--- and R------- who weren't interested in me, didn't talk to me and talked about stuff I wasn't at all interested in. I didn't feel in a good mood and when the stories got disgusting I took that as a cue to leave (not that I was offended, just that it was an acceptable excuse to scarper). As a result I didn't make it to the greyhound race that the rest of them were going to.

2) Tea party
I left the pub feeling very lonely, with the thought that I didn't fit in returning. I went back to the hospital to collect my bike, and cycled home. En route, I received a phone call that I failed to answer in time, and when I retrieved my phone I found that I had two missed call, one from my friend J----, and the other from the wonderful one. As I'm still struggling not to be too much of a stalker, I rang J---- first, who said that she was having tea and cake around her flat and invited me along. I accepted, but kicked myself for not ringing my crush first, only realising then that as she had rang me first, it certainly would have been fine for me to ring her. I went to J----'s flat hoping that the wonderful one was there... I wasn't disappointed! I was rewarded with the sight of the wonderful one, J----, A----- and J--- (and three varieties of cake - including the coffee cake I had bought for J----'s husband's birthday earlier last week).

It was everything that the pub was not. It was intimate, fun, enjoyable and made my evening. I loved it! I still feel awkward around my loved one, but it is always wonderful to spend time in her presence and look at her beauty. I love learning things about her. I keep hearing things about her that make me think that we'd be really well suited together... wishing things don't make things true though. Obviously spending time with the others, eating cake and drinking tea was also lovely, but being with her for a while made it perfect for me. We ended up staying for a few hours, stopping only to collect cheese and biscuits (I'm glad I have a good selection of savoury biscuits!) to help stave off type II diabetes from overconsumption of sweet cake.

3) Flat
All good things must come to an end. Beginning of the end was the return of J----'s flatmate C---, who was sad as one of his patients had died today (pneumonia). We tried to be as sympathetic as possible for C--- and fed him with cake and tea. We ended up leaving to give him space and to get something a little bit more proper for dinner.

I returned to my flat and had a chat with J-- who is a good friend of C---, to see if he knew what he could do to help. He had already communicated with C--- and knew what was happening, so I left it in his capable hands. We went to ask H---- if he was coming to a chinese new year event that J-- was getting people to attend so we chatted for a bit. H---- and I went to cook dinner (J-- had already eaten), and J-- kept us company in the kitchen. We spent the evening eating and chatting. It was lovely. We spent a lot of the time talking about the evils of smoking and discussing philosophy. Again, such a huge contrast to the pub-part of the evening: intelligent, interesting, enjoyable debate which exercised my brain and made me happier. We didn't notice the time fly and only stopped as the time got close to 1 am.

It's been a good evening. I need to appreciate that just because I don't always fit in to large group situations with course-mates doesn't meant I do not fit in other places. I need to just find the right people in the right situations. Parts 2 and 3 of this evening proved it. Am very glad I didn't just tough it out at the pub - would have missed a brilliant evening.

AcidCat

Now that's what I call lectures, volume 1

Spent the evening at a fantastic lecture about medicine regarding to bomb blasts, gunshot and soft tissue injuries and how the army does it better (to be fair, somewhat unsurprising - their ambulances are helicopters!) and how they look after their own. It was fascinating stuff, really interesting, with stuff about why the exit wound with gunshots is larger than the bullet hole, where it's best to be shot if you have to be (surprisingly, it's through the lung, but put your hands up first, which will move your shoulder blades out of the way!), where bombs inflict maximum damage, what lengths the army go to save an injured colleague (it's amazingly inspiring actually). Admittedly, a large part of the enjoyment of the evening was the people I spent it with (the wonderful one and her best friend were the people who invited me to go with them) and as I said before, I would go to the competitive world-paint drying championship if it meant that I could spend some time with her.

Dagnabbit, I annoy myself with how much of a sap I am sometimes.

Oh, and while I was there, we met up with a plastic surgeon who was doing her utmost to scare us away from medicine. Bearing in mind my thoughts on the subject recently, it's brought it to the front of my mind again. Having said that, she seemed pretty much bitter about everything, so it might just be her. I don't know.

Have a flat tyre on my bike. It's most annoying. Getting to lectures on time today was a very close thing, but thanks to F----- who kindly gave me a lift in, so I just about made it.

Anyway, got an early start tomorrow and a full day of work ahead of me, so got to go to bed now. Just need to hold in the happiness and fun of being with her for a bit longer :)

AcidCat

Taking a breather from studying respiratory medicine

Instead of learning about asthma and lungs, I spent the evening with the wonderful one and one of her best friends.

I had so much fun and I don't care that I haven't done much work today. Only downside is that the Valentines card I was planning might need to be changed, as I gave away something that might make it obvious that it might be me...

Tomorrow and Wednesday I will have to work very hard to make up though...

But for tonight, I'm happy.

AcidCat

Fight the demons

I've spent the time since my last post feeling a bit low. I felt a failure, I felt pretty much friendless, like no-one really cared. I wasn't sure if I was meant to be here. I was confused and overwhelmed by the work, yet couldn't muster the motivation to do it. I felt the clouds of depression moving in on me. I've barely left my room except to do the things I had to, and go to lectures.

I spent some time thinking about it today. I was worried that the Prozac had stopped working for me.

Then I realised: I was fine before I got the results. That meant, the prozac was working fine. It was just the way I was responding and handling the knock-back which was screwed up.

My sulking and becoming introspective wasn't helping at all. It was just making me miserable. The only person who is responsible for my happiness is me. So if I'm lonely, and friends don't seem to care, why should they? They don't owe me. Anyway, they might be concerned and not know how to show it/not want to intrude/have their own problems or demons to face.

I still don't know if I'm meant to be here: but even if not, I'm going to do my damned best while I'm here, so I know that I gave it my all. The more I put in, the more I get out, even if I don't end up doing medicine. And who knows, this might end up being the wake up call I need, and things might be better for it (Thanks Ash!).

And while I'm here, thanks to everyone who was trying to be supportive while I was just wallowing and feeling too sorry for myself to notice (or if I noticed, I wasn't able to drag myself out). In particular, thanks to J--, H----, K--, F------, J---- and C------ (who tried to cheer me up by dancing to "Town called Malice" by the Jam).

Got to stay positive. Man up, suck it up, grow a pair.

I made the first steps. This evening, I went into the kitchen, ate my dinner with some of my flatmates and even made a batch of popcorn for them. (I'm getting better at it, but then again, I bloody well ought to, I've been experimenting with popcorn for about 6 years...)

Let's go!

AcidCat

PS. I've caught up to date with XKCD. Well worth a read. I felt a bit sad when I had finished and realised that I'd only get updates a few times a week, instead of having several comics to read per day. I've started re-reading them already...

PPS Fighting virtual demons on computer games is a darn sight easier than fighting metaphorical demons in real life.

Oh (there's probably no) God...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this news story.

A Christian group reported an advert saying "There's probably no God" on the grounds of too little proof. I don't think proof is a thread they should be pulling on...

They claim that "There is plenty of evidence for God, from people's personal experience, to the complexity, interdependence, beauty and design of the natural world."

Let's have a look at that... there's a hell of a lot of evidence for Santa (all the presents left behind, the eaten mince pies and sherry that have been left out, the photos, the fact you can meet him at the grotto, all the TV programs and films) and the tooth fairy (the disappearance of the tooth and the appearance of the money)...

People's personal experience... There are a lot of people out there who claim to have been abducted by aliens (admittedly a lot of them have been drinking, have mental problems, are rednecks... Not trying to tar all alien abductees or christians with the same brush here).

Complexity, interdependence, beauty and design of the natural world... This is the most subjective and difficult one for me to comment on. But I'd just comment that natural things (such as sunsets/landscapes/waterfalls) can be as beautiful as the man-made (Fine art, almost any car made by Aston Martin, almost anything made by Apple). I don't think beautiful things have to be designed, beautiful and complex things can be the result of chance. And dare I suggest it (in the 200th year since Darwin's birth), a little bit of evolution may have helped...

Good god, why are the god botherers so stupid?

AcidCat

PS Just so I make myself clear, I'm not slagging off religion or all religious followers. I just get really pissed off at the closed-minded, disengage-brain mindless-sheep-type religious herd. Grr.

Made of fail

Finally got my exam results today.

In the core clinical science, I scraped a pass in one (literally got the pass mark), and the other one I failed. Pass mark 52%, my mark 49%.

Not happy about that. I'm not used to failure. Hell, I'm not even used to scraping by in things that I like and care about. If I'd scraped a pass in both, I'd still be pissed off.

I mean, this was my GAMSAT test result that I used to get into medical school in the first place:



This was meant to be a really hard exam (which puts people off applying to certain medical schools that request it) and I did well. I scored 95% on Section III (the science test). So it's a huge dent to my pride and confidence to fail on science in this exam. And score significantly below the mean mark in both.

I'm really pissed off. I'm also reconsidering whether I should be here/deserve to be here.

Will soldier on and think about it more over the weekend.

AcidCat

Love is the drug?

I'm not sure if I want this story to be true or not.

Gist of the article is that a neuroscience researcher suggests that love can be broken down to a series of neurochemical events that are happening in brain areas. In effect, it brings the whole notion of love down to the level of a hormone imbalance in the brain.

A major caveat seems to be (I haven't read the actual article yet, hopefully I will get round to it soon) that it's on animal models, so may have limited validity in humans. In addition, I'm of the opinion that there are different kinds of love (familial love, romantic love, love of friends etc) so it seems to be difficult to pin down.

On one hand, I'd hate for something I feel so strongly to be magical to become so mundane and easily manipulated (just spray/inject in the appropiate chemical or hormone agonist/antagonist and away you go), but on the other hand, it appeals to my scientific side. Things which are inexplicable interest me, and I'm always fascinated by finding out what makes them tick. That's why I do think the brain is the most interesting part of the body.

Anyway, as I've finished my work for the night, I'd better go to bed...

AcidCat

Read me like a book

I'm enjoying my last moments of freedom before I get reburied under an avalanche of work. Just a quick blog post and then sleep I think.

What's been playing on my mind is that certain people have worked out about who I've got a crush on. If I ever played poker, I may as well just throw all my money at my opponents: I think I'm just too easy to read, my heart tends to live on my sleeve.

This is mainly from a new year's eve party conversation with K--. She was asking about me and the wonderful one. She said it in a way that suggested that she was trying to match-make us, but I think she knew anyway. Under the influence of alcohol, my poor acting skills made me blurt out "Am I that obvious?", slightly giving the game away. So she now knows my secret. In addition, two of my flatmates know. I didn't tell them, they managed to work it out. H---- knows for certain, as we spend more time together and he can read me quite well. J-- thinks he knows, but he isn't sure. In addition, I think two other friends on my course (J-- and J----) have guessed (or they just think we're very good friends). I'm a bit more surprised at the last two people and K--, as I didn't think that I spent that much time with the wonderful one - in fact, sometimes I try to not be in the same place as her for awkwardness reasons / to make it less obvious / so she doesn't get sick of me.

I wish I was a little more subtle. I'm now slightly concerned that the wonderful one has guessed, but I just don't know...

In a way, I'm quite glad K-- knows. It's like the old riddle:

What is:
Too much for one,
Perfect for two
Nothing for three or more?

Answer: A secret.

It's kind of nice that someone else knows - somehow makes it a little bit real. And also K-- is very trustworthy and I think she won't blab.

AcidCat

PS - A sidenote that I've been wondering about - If history is really repeating itself (See "Back Home" - December 21, 2008), I'm not going to end up going out with the wonderful one: I'm going to end up going out with the person I ended up confiding in, in this case, K--. Which could be interesting... She's nice, pretty and kind of my type. At least she might be if I wasn't busy obsessing about someone else...

Back and badder than ever

Back to halls, ready to start a new term on Monday.

Timed quite nicely as I had a bit of a row with my mum, so was probably time to go.

I had a pretty good holiday. Not that rock and roll, not that relaxing, but it was a good one. Was very good to see my folks and see some friends. Job's a good 'un.

Now time to kick some medical bottom.

Bring the pain!

AcidCat

Feel the rage!

Yarr!!

I'm glad none of my resolutions included not getting angry...

Am furious with the trains: the above inflation price rises announced today: despite the fact that the service is rubbish and we're trying to encourage people to use cars less and use public transport more to save the planet... The train companies lining their pockets. Fecking disgusting.

Also tried to fill out my tax return today (before the 31 January deadline) and it appears to ignore my user reference number and password. So as a result, I've got to ring them up and wait for them to post one out to me. And why do we need a NI number, a unique tax code and a user reference number, all of which seem to be only there to identify it as being me?? I hate red tape...

Must stop here, can feel an artery in my brain pulsing and threatening to explode...

AcidCat

Resolutions

200th post!
I'm a big fan of New Year's resolutions. People who don't make them "as they'll just end up breaking them" come across as too defeatist. In my opinion, I'd rather try and maybe fail... and I've got plenty of stuff I'd like to improve in my life, so new year's resolutions seem like a good catalyst to spur me on.

So here are my resolutions for 2009:

1. Be happy and be positive. (The most important one)
   
2. Do constructive acts, avoid doing destructive things (inspired by a NYE conversation with K--).
3. If I'm not sure whether to say yes or no, I'm going to say YES (Danny Wallace rules!).
   
4. Be focussed and motivated (i.e. Work hard, play hard).
5. Get fit. (A perennial one, I've made some progress in the recent past).
   
6. Do unto others as I would like them to do to me... especially to my friends. (They deserve it. I've realised the friends who I can rely on are really wonderful).
   
7. Man up, grow a pair and suck it up! (As I said, not just a resolution, a way of life!)
   
8. Be happy with myself on my own, being comfortable as an individual and comfortable in my own skin. Be confident. (This one's the most challenging)
   

Let's go and have a fantastic 2009!

Good luck with all of your resolutions.

Love
AcidCat