Dear past

Dear C--, C----, H---- and S----,

Hi guys. I've lost touch with you a long time ago, but have been thinking of you, so decided to write to you all.

You guys don't know, but I've just started at uni (again) and am finding it pretty hard. The work is unbelievably difficult (nothing I've done before has prepared me for this) but socialising has been even harder.

I've never been the most outgoing person, and although I love having friends, I'm not very good at meeting new people. I don't have the huge charisma that some people do. I'm a fiercely loyal, trustworthy person, but it's not enough to make people fascinated by me. And I don't exactly ooze confidence, so I end up as the person in the corner at parties and on their own during the short breaks between work.

Basically I wanted to thank you all for making my first trip through uni enjoyable. You were some of my first proper friends at uni first time round. You took me under your wing, and dragged me to come out. You were a hell of a lot of fun to be with, and I really enjoyed myself when I was around you. You even made me believe I could be fun and exciting myself.

We got on well enough to live together.

I'm so sorry I screwed it all up.

I didn't realise it at the time. Me and M hooking up didn't help. I still don't quite know how it all went so pear-shaped (I also lay some of the blame at A--- sharing with us via C--. He manipulated our naivety and began the rot). Anyway I'm really sorry I ended up screwing it all up between us, and between you all and M (I still feel guilty about that bit now).

Please just accept my apology. I was young and immature. I hadn't had a serious relationship and it swallowed my life up entirely. I was so completely and madly in love that I just dove right in. I felt whole for the first time in my entire life. A missing part of me just fit together, and so I just grabbed the chance and ran with it.

I should have kept the other parts of my life and time going better. I should have noticed the (rather explicit warning S---- gave me at the Xmas flat party). I should have done more when H---- made the peace making phone calls.

Basically I screwed up. In a big way.

I've lost touch with all of you completely for around 6 years. I genuinely hope you're all well and life is treating you well.

I don't know if I'll ever see any of you again (probably not). If I do, I hope you've forgiven me, and you don't take delight in the way my life has turned out and what happened between me and M.

Hope luck follows you all in the future, wherever you all are, whatever you're all doing.

Love
AcidCat

Wind beneath my wings

Be good to your friends.

Do something nice for them:

Drop them an email, or even better, give them a ring, or drop by for a cup of tea.
Invite them for dinner.
Suggest an evening out together.
Go for a cafe.

It's amazing how much of a difference you can make for them.

Everyone needs to feel loved and needed and wanted.

Do it. Now!

AcidCat

Success is my only m-----f**king option, failure's not

"Lose Yourself"

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking, how everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, pow!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This this whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

[Hook:]
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner', but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

[Hook]

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

[Hook]

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

First day

Day one of a four year graduate medicine program.

After a lot of (recent) panicking that I've been making the wrong decision by coming back to university to start all over again from scratch, leaving behind me the science discipline that I was talented at, I finally reached my first day.

It was a mixed experience. I feel like the first day went alright, but I realised that there is a hell of a lot of material to learn extremely quickly. I don't know if I'm up to the task. I've spent most of today trying to learn about the ear and how hearing works. It was all alien to me and all over my head, making me quite concerned.

But then, about an hour ago, while deep in anatomy and physiology books, I got the pay-off. I realised that by doing this, I'm going to have a hell of a lot of knowledge crammed into my tiny little brain very quickly. I'm going to start mining a different area of human discovery.

I've always wanted to be a renaissance man. Stephen Fry is awesome, and just seems to know so much stuff. I think being a renaissance man is beyond me, I don't have much art in my soul and I'm about as unathletic as they come. However, it excites me that I could become good in two separate disciplines: one physical science, one biological. Even if I don't get the opportunity to use both (which I would ideally love), if I manage to master them, it'll be an awesome feeling. And besides, it should give me plenty of trivia for the "down the pub" evenings...

AcidCat

There's no place like home

Hi everyone!


Friday evening:
Feeling fed up. Life was rubbish. Convinced everyone else around me was having a good time. Felt I'd screwed up my life and made lots of the wrong choices.


A weekend at home with my parents and siblings. Doing nothing particularly rock and roll.


Sunday Evening:
I think I can do it. Things are ok, and I've got a chance of making things work.


Moral of the story: There are some people in this world who believe in you, inspire you, pick you up, carry you. Find them, look after them, love them, keep them.

AcidCat

Grr...

Have started at university again since Monday, and am hating it.

I haven't admitted this to anyone else.

Why are people so hard to make friends with?

Why are people so superficial?

Why am I here??