Just saw the recent Star Trek movie with ~R.
I'm not a trekkie, but my only comment is this:
"See that movie, George? That is how you make a Sci-Fi prequel."
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Three words
I
Love
You
Three words that change everything.
~R said that to me outside a cake shop in Chinatown. I had been uncharacteristically decisive - after having dinner together, we were thinking of getting dessert and she said she liked one of them. I said we should get it as take-away and strolled in and asked for one. Then I realised I had to choose one for myself - got flustered and finally chose something I recognised. This fit of general incompetence amused her when I sheepishly wandered out with her afterwards, and she told me she loves me.
It means so much to me coming from her. Especially after a slightly roller-coaster weekend where I've gone through a lot of emotions.
We spent Saturday evening and Sunday visiting ~R's best friend K---- who threw a small house party. I adore K----. She helped bat my corner when R- was suggesting that ~R should break up with me. K---- is also lovely and wonderful in her own right. She shares quite a few of ~R's qualities that I love about them both. It also doesn't hurt that she's always been really nice about me. She also told me that she liked the valentine's card I sent ~R. (Apparently, ~R thought that K---- had sent the card, so had thanked her for it. Cue much confusion when K---- knew nothing about it. I would have loved to have been there for that conversation!).
Spending time with her was fun, and it was good to see her happy. It was fun hanging out with her housemates and her friend S----, who was interesting but also had quite a lot of "interesting times" ahead of her. It was nice to meet K----'s love C----, who seemed very sweet, but not quite what I had pictured for her.
One downer for the weekend was my brain being my worst enemy. I don't know if my Prozac's not working brilliantly at the moment, or if my brain is physiologically playing up, or even if it's a reality check, but the voices that tell me that things are going to go wrong were shouting at me again. They told me that I'm not good enough for ~R, that I'm not interesting enough for ~R, that we aren't a good pairing. Worst of all, they were telling me that ~R's friend R- may be right: that this is all one sided and that I love ~R, but she isn't really that interested in me and that she's just going with the flow because I'm calming on her and make her happy. And that when she's sorted or twigs or finds the strength, then it's all going to be over. Problem with that is that I'm really too much in love with her now, and think that if it's going to end messily, it should be sooner rather than later.
I had a cut down talk with her about that on the way back - ~R is really perceptive and noticed that I looked sad, even though I was trying to hide it. I told her that I was sad from thinking about my family (which was true) and thinking about her - and that I was sad because I really like her and that it left me vulnerable about losing her. She told me that I meant a lot to her and that she wouldn't want to hurt me. I told her I knew this because she was a really good person, but I also said that sometimes feelings don't work like that. She told me that I had got to the point that I really mattered to her and that she didn't open up easily, but had opened up for me.
I love her so much. She's so lovely.
Good night my sweet. You make everything better. I love being with you. Spending time with you is wonderful.
AcidCat
Love
You
Three words that change everything.
~R said that to me outside a cake shop in Chinatown. I had been uncharacteristically decisive - after having dinner together, we were thinking of getting dessert and she said she liked one of them. I said we should get it as take-away and strolled in and asked for one. Then I realised I had to choose one for myself - got flustered and finally chose something I recognised. This fit of general incompetence amused her when I sheepishly wandered out with her afterwards, and she told me she loves me.
It means so much to me coming from her. Especially after a slightly roller-coaster weekend where I've gone through a lot of emotions.
We spent Saturday evening and Sunday visiting ~R's best friend K---- who threw a small house party. I adore K----. She helped bat my corner when R- was suggesting that ~R should break up with me. K---- is also lovely and wonderful in her own right. She shares quite a few of ~R's qualities that I love about them both. It also doesn't hurt that she's always been really nice about me. She also told me that she liked the valentine's card I sent ~R. (Apparently, ~R thought that K---- had sent the card, so had thanked her for it. Cue much confusion when K---- knew nothing about it. I would have loved to have been there for that conversation!).
Spending time with her was fun, and it was good to see her happy. It was fun hanging out with her housemates and her friend S----, who was interesting but also had quite a lot of "interesting times" ahead of her. It was nice to meet K----'s love C----, who seemed very sweet, but not quite what I had pictured for her.
One downer for the weekend was my brain being my worst enemy. I don't know if my Prozac's not working brilliantly at the moment, or if my brain is physiologically playing up, or even if it's a reality check, but the voices that tell me that things are going to go wrong were shouting at me again. They told me that I'm not good enough for ~R, that I'm not interesting enough for ~R, that we aren't a good pairing. Worst of all, they were telling me that ~R's friend R- may be right: that this is all one sided and that I love ~R, but she isn't really that interested in me and that she's just going with the flow because I'm calming on her and make her happy. And that when she's sorted or twigs or finds the strength, then it's all going to be over. Problem with that is that I'm really too much in love with her now, and think that if it's going to end messily, it should be sooner rather than later.
I had a cut down talk with her about that on the way back - ~R is really perceptive and noticed that I looked sad, even though I was trying to hide it. I told her that I was sad from thinking about my family (which was true) and thinking about her - and that I was sad because I really like her and that it left me vulnerable about losing her. She told me that I meant a lot to her and that she wouldn't want to hurt me. I told her I knew this because she was a really good person, but I also said that sometimes feelings don't work like that. She told me that I had got to the point that I really mattered to her and that she didn't open up easily, but had opened up for me.
I love her so much. She's so lovely.
Good night my sweet. You make everything better. I love being with you. Spending time with you is wonderful.
AcidCat
Saturday, May 23, 2009
R.I.P
To my grandma who passed away yesterday - I'm thinking of you.
I didn't know you very well, but I met you a few times and you were nice to me. I know how much mum is missing you and hurting right now. When I think how I'd feel if my mum died, it makes me so sad.
Be strong mum, thinking of you too. Miss you.
Love
AcidCat
I didn't know you very well, but I met you a few times and you were nice to me. I know how much mum is missing you and hurting right now. When I think how I'd feel if my mum died, it makes me so sad.
Be strong mum, thinking of you too. Miss you.
Love
AcidCat
Sunday, May 17, 2009
PhD Graduation
I had my PhD graduation yesterday... It was a slightly anti-climactic occasion, but it was a nice way to draw a line under one section of my life.
I think this would be a good opportunity to do an awards-ceremony-style thank you list. Technically, I put one of those at the front of my thesis, but that was a formal one where I had to thank certain people and couldn't really be as honest and open as I would have liked. So here is an alternative acknowledgements page:
Firstly and foremost, thanks so much to Jon: my amazingly incredible supervisor. I couldn't really say how fantastic he is in my thesis - but then again, I don't think I have the words to say how brilliant he is anyway. He was an amazing person to work for: someone who genuinely cares about the wellbeing of his students, is incredibly intelligent, enthusiastic, patient; appreciates that we are human and need a life outside of the subject. Jon is incredible and I admire him greatly. I'm really grateful for him allowing me to work in his group.
I'm also really grateful to my industrial supervisor, Jan, who is really intelligent and gave me some really good ideas during the project. He actually spent time thinking about my work and how he could help me - more than most people in his situation do. He also looked after me very well while I was working in the industrial labs.
On that note - I'm really indebted to Merck, who helped to very generously fund my PhD, and also the EPSRC who also chipped in.
Thanks to my group members who have been a lot of fun to work with and who helped me through the tough times: chemistry and real-life. In particular in Jon's group: Dave, Simon, Luke, Sarah, Paul, Phil, Stuey, Ben and M---- (Sorry M----, but your name is just a bit too rare and would remove the anonymity). Also thanks to those of you who I've been lucky enough to share a lab with who have been fun and supportive to be around, especially: Ryan, Seb, Mell, Frankie, Stu and Filipa.
I suppose I ought to thank my ex, M--. She was supportive at the start, but to be honest she did far more damage to my PhD era at the end, so the two things cancel each other out. Well, thank you for the good times anyway.
On that note, thanks to all of you who helped pick me up when I fell (those darkest days). In particular, that would be my family, Jon, Luke, Simon, Sarah, Paul, Phil, Bren, Chris, Dave, Del, Chris and many, many more people. (Special thanks to you Wil and 'Chelle, for being there when I was literally alone in SF. You are possibly the kindest people I've met in the world - ever). But most of all, thank you Joolz. I really needed you, and you were always there. Thank you. I think I may have taken advantage of you a bit - I had fallen out of contact with you before hand, and we've drifted apart since - but you were always there, giving me time, listening to my tear-stained late-night phone calls. I can't thank you enough. Really.
The biggest thank you to my family though: that's you mum, dad, B---- and W--. You've always been there for me, unfailingly, unquestioningly, reliably. The one constant that I know I can rely on, always. Thank you - again, I can't say in words what you mean to me, it would sound hollow and wouldn't do you justice anyway. You're all the best.
And thanks to any of you who I haven't given an individual shout out to. You have made a big impact on my time during my PhD - I'm just having a brain melt. Thank you. I appreciate what you've done.
And on that self-indulgent note, thank you and good night!
AcidCat
I think this would be a good opportunity to do an awards-ceremony-style thank you list. Technically, I put one of those at the front of my thesis, but that was a formal one where I had to thank certain people and couldn't really be as honest and open as I would have liked. So here is an alternative acknowledgements page:
Firstly and foremost, thanks so much to Jon: my amazingly incredible supervisor. I couldn't really say how fantastic he is in my thesis - but then again, I don't think I have the words to say how brilliant he is anyway. He was an amazing person to work for: someone who genuinely cares about the wellbeing of his students, is incredibly intelligent, enthusiastic, patient; appreciates that we are human and need a life outside of the subject. Jon is incredible and I admire him greatly. I'm really grateful for him allowing me to work in his group.
I'm also really grateful to my industrial supervisor, Jan, who is really intelligent and gave me some really good ideas during the project. He actually spent time thinking about my work and how he could help me - more than most people in his situation do. He also looked after me very well while I was working in the industrial labs.
On that note - I'm really indebted to Merck, who helped to very generously fund my PhD, and also the EPSRC who also chipped in.
Thanks to my group members who have been a lot of fun to work with and who helped me through the tough times: chemistry and real-life. In particular in Jon's group: Dave, Simon, Luke, Sarah, Paul, Phil, Stuey, Ben and M---- (Sorry M----, but your name is just a bit too rare and would remove the anonymity). Also thanks to those of you who I've been lucky enough to share a lab with who have been fun and supportive to be around, especially: Ryan, Seb, Mell, Frankie, Stu and Filipa.
I suppose I ought to thank my ex, M--. She was supportive at the start, but to be honest she did far more damage to my PhD era at the end, so the two things cancel each other out. Well, thank you for the good times anyway.
On that note, thanks to all of you who helped pick me up when I fell (those darkest days). In particular, that would be my family, Jon, Luke, Simon, Sarah, Paul, Phil, Bren, Chris, Dave, Del, Chris and many, many more people. (Special thanks to you Wil and 'Chelle, for being there when I was literally alone in SF. You are possibly the kindest people I've met in the world - ever). But most of all, thank you Joolz. I really needed you, and you were always there. Thank you. I think I may have taken advantage of you a bit - I had fallen out of contact with you before hand, and we've drifted apart since - but you were always there, giving me time, listening to my tear-stained late-night phone calls. I can't thank you enough. Really.
The biggest thank you to my family though: that's you mum, dad, B---- and W--. You've always been there for me, unfailingly, unquestioningly, reliably. The one constant that I know I can rely on, always. Thank you - again, I can't say in words what you mean to me, it would sound hollow and wouldn't do you justice anyway. You're all the best.
And thanks to any of you who I haven't given an individual shout out to. You have made a big impact on my time during my PhD - I'm just having a brain melt. Thank you. I appreciate what you've done.
And on that self-indulgent note, thank you and good night!
AcidCat
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Words
I spent an evening in the company of the incredible ~R, just stroking her hair and having her sit close to me. It was heaven.
When I was saying goodbye today, she was being sweet or fun (just generally wonderful) and I blurted out that I love her. This time though, she joked about it and seemed much more relaxed about it. I'm so happy.
Tomorrow I'll have a slightly less soppy post. I'm finally graduating with my PhD so will be blogging about that instead.
Till then, love you.
AcidCat
P.S. She said such beautiful things to me today. Things like "You make me happy" and other stuff. She said something particularly beautiful that made me melt inside, but I can't remember it - which I'm really gutted about.
P.P.S. Just remembered what she said. She said "You know, I'm growing really rather fond of you". Coming from her that was the sweetest, loveliest comment and it's still making me happy to think about it now.
When I was saying goodbye today, she was being sweet or fun (just generally wonderful) and I blurted out that I love her. This time though, she joked about it and seemed much more relaxed about it. I'm so happy.
Tomorrow I'll have a slightly less soppy post. I'm finally graduating with my PhD so will be blogging about that instead.
Till then, love you.
AcidCat
P.S. She said such beautiful things to me today. Things like "You make me happy" and other stuff. She said something particularly beautiful that made me melt inside, but I can't remember it - which I'm really gutted about.
P.P.S. Just remembered what she said. She said "You know, I'm growing really rather fond of you". Coming from her that was the sweetest, loveliest comment and it's still making me happy to think about it now.
Monday, May 11, 2009
What a difference a weekend makes
I've gone from despair on Friday to feeling happy and content today. I missed out on an ebay auction I wanted by about £10 (a rather nice skeleton - I decided £100 was my limit), but I don't mind.
Had dinner with ~R and J---, then spent the evening with ~R trying to work. Wasn't super productive, but was more fun.
AcidCat
Had dinner with ~R and J---, then spent the evening with ~R trying to work. Wasn't super productive, but was more fun.
AcidCat
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Weird
Weird feeling - saw my ex has joined facebook as she's commented on one of my friend's status.
I don't know how I feel - except a bit weird.
I don't want her anymore - especially now I've found someone absolutely amazing, but it just feels really strange to be reminded of her.
AcidCat
I don't know how I feel - except a bit weird.
I don't want her anymore - especially now I've found someone absolutely amazing, but it just feels really strange to be reminded of her.
AcidCat
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Back to good
I spent today in a pretty bad mood. I was trying to get my head in the mindset of being just friends with ~R and ended up acting distant to her. I didn't think it was a problem until everything was over for the day and she came up to me and commented that I was a "bit off" and asked if everything was alright with me.
I wasn't really expecting this, and don't even remember what I said. I do remember that she seemed a bit upset and asked me to get in contact with her if I felt like hanging out tonight. After I recovered from the surprise, I felt guilty about the way I treated her and resolved to speak to her when I got back home. Annoyingly though, when I got back she wasn't picking up her mobile and wasn't answering her Skype (despite appearing to be online), so to try and work through my bad mood, I went off to play football at the suggestion of my friend T----. It was quite fun, but the thoughts of ~R and how it seemed like it would end very messily played on my mind, so after a while I just wasn't enjoying it at all.
When I returned to my flat, I saw missed calls from ~R and a text message asking if I rang. I rang her straight back, only to find that she was out, having been taken to see the new Star Trek movie by J--- to help cheer her up. When she asked if I wanted to speak to her to tell her that I didn't like her and sounded disappointed, I thought that I may still have a chance. I told her I wanted to apologise for how I was today and asked to speak to her when she got back from the cinema.
I went to gymnastics to distract me (and just because it's fun). I'm making some inroads, with a reasonable round-off, and making progress with the straight-armed backward roll. The people at gymnastics are really nice and it's always fun to see them.
When I got back, I found a text message from ~R saying she was back. I showered, changed and called on ~R. I went to apologise and explain how I thought that she was about to end the relationship and how upset that was making me feel (and how similar to how I got dumped by my ex the whole situation was). It quickly became clear that this wasn't how she felt, and that I had upset her (partly by making her think that I wanted to end it (and I think partly for acting like a complete idiot)).
We sorted it all out and I think we're both happy now. I'm feeling very happy and I love her as much as ever. She makes me feel so good, and I love spending time with her. Even if it panics her when she realises the depth of my feelings for her.
Love you ~R
AcidCat
I wasn't really expecting this, and don't even remember what I said. I do remember that she seemed a bit upset and asked me to get in contact with her if I felt like hanging out tonight. After I recovered from the surprise, I felt guilty about the way I treated her and resolved to speak to her when I got back home. Annoyingly though, when I got back she wasn't picking up her mobile and wasn't answering her Skype (despite appearing to be online), so to try and work through my bad mood, I went off to play football at the suggestion of my friend T----. It was quite fun, but the thoughts of ~R and how it seemed like it would end very messily played on my mind, so after a while I just wasn't enjoying it at all.
When I returned to my flat, I saw missed calls from ~R and a text message asking if I rang. I rang her straight back, only to find that she was out, having been taken to see the new Star Trek movie by J--- to help cheer her up. When she asked if I wanted to speak to her to tell her that I didn't like her and sounded disappointed, I thought that I may still have a chance. I told her I wanted to apologise for how I was today and asked to speak to her when she got back from the cinema.
I went to gymnastics to distract me (and just because it's fun). I'm making some inroads, with a reasonable round-off, and making progress with the straight-armed backward roll. The people at gymnastics are really nice and it's always fun to see them.
When I got back, I found a text message from ~R saying she was back. I showered, changed and called on ~R. I went to apologise and explain how I thought that she was about to end the relationship and how upset that was making me feel (and how similar to how I got dumped by my ex the whole situation was). It quickly became clear that this wasn't how she felt, and that I had upset her (partly by making her think that I wanted to end it (and I think partly for acting like a complete idiot)).
We sorted it all out and I think we're both happy now. I'm feeling very happy and I love her as much as ever. She makes me feel so good, and I love spending time with her. Even if it panics her when she realises the depth of my feelings for her.
Love you ~R
AcidCat
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Don't worry, be happy
As you might have guessed from my previous blog post today, I haven't been a happy bunny. I had a little nap after posting which made things a bit better, but was still angry and miserable. I've stomped around feeling withdrawn and been polite to my flatmates but nothing more sociable, despite their best efforts when I went into the kitchen.
Work was failing. I decided to cut my losses and go to the gym, hoping to exercise out some of my sadness and negative feelings. Annoyingly, the punchbag was being used, so I was limited to working on cardio. It helped a bit, I felt that things were a bit more in perspective - but I was still fed up.
But then, when I came home, I found this stuck to my door:
I don't know who's responsible (I'm pretty sure J-- was involved, and possibly E---- and L---) but it gave me a huge lift. It's so good to know people care. I was thinking really uncharitable thoughts about several of my flatmates recently, so this has really shown me something different.
I've left it pinned to my door for the time being, but I may move it to somewhere I can see it more often. It's wonderful.
Thanks very much guys. I needed that badly. I'm not feeling great, but I feel that I can cope.
AcidCat
Work was failing. I decided to cut my losses and go to the gym, hoping to exercise out some of my sadness and negative feelings. Annoyingly, the punchbag was being used, so I was limited to working on cardio. It helped a bit, I felt that things were a bit more in perspective - but I was still fed up.
But then, when I came home, I found this stuck to my door:
I don't know who's responsible (I'm pretty sure J-- was involved, and possibly E---- and L---) but it gave me a huge lift. It's so good to know people care. I was thinking really uncharitable thoughts about several of my flatmates recently, so this has really shown me something different.
I've left it pinned to my door for the time being, but I may move it to somewhere I can see it more often. It's wonderful.
Thanks very much guys. I needed that badly. I'm not feeling great, but I feel that I can cope.
AcidCat
:-(
I'm feeling really low.
After a tedious group presentation that I did most of the work for (but will get the same mark as my co-workers) and a pretty long shitty day, walking home with ~R made me seriously sad.
Yesterday, she went to visit one of her friends from her last degree who recommended that ~R dump me.
Basically, ~R feels that I like her a lot more than she likes me (which I think is probably true). She stuck the proviso in that she might like me more in the future, and that we should just see how things go. I don't know if this is really a reason for us to go our separate ways...
Anyway, I'm left feeling a bit confused and like I'm receiving mixed messages. She kissed me on the way back afterwards.
Damn. And just when I was starting to feel happy and that life was going my way. I'd even stopped taking Prozac for the past few days because I was feeling over the moon.
I think part of what pisses me off is that someone I've never met is encouraging ~R to dump me. I've been waiting for something like this to happen, so tried to treat all my time with ~R as a bonus, but I'm greedy: I've got a taste for it and I want more.
Damn.
AcidCat
After a tedious group presentation that I did most of the work for (but will get the same mark as my co-workers) and a pretty long shitty day, walking home with ~R made me seriously sad.
Yesterday, she went to visit one of her friends from her last degree who recommended that ~R dump me.
Basically, ~R feels that I like her a lot more than she likes me (which I think is probably true). She stuck the proviso in that she might like me more in the future, and that we should just see how things go. I don't know if this is really a reason for us to go our separate ways...
Anyway, I'm left feeling a bit confused and like I'm receiving mixed messages. She kissed me on the way back afterwards.
Damn. And just when I was starting to feel happy and that life was going my way. I'd even stopped taking Prozac for the past few days because I was feeling over the moon.
I think part of what pisses me off is that someone I've never met is encouraging ~R to dump me. I've been waiting for something like this to happen, so tried to treat all my time with ~R as a bonus, but I'm greedy: I've got a taste for it and I want more.
Damn.
AcidCat
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Love, love, love
~R
XXX
Such a happy day with you. Space medicine: interesting, inspiring stories and fun lecture. Evening of work and play together.
My paranoia keeps making me think that it's not all going as well as it seems. I really hope it's wrong.
Enjoy it while it lasts. Treat every day, every minute as a bonus.
AcidCat
XXX
Such a happy day with you. Space medicine: interesting, inspiring stories and fun lecture. Evening of work and play together.
My paranoia keeps making me think that it's not all going as well as it seems. I really hope it's wrong.
Enjoy it while it lasts. Treat every day, every minute as a bonus.
AcidCat
Monday, May 04, 2009
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Life's a beach
Another one of those amazing days.
Three day weekend stretching out ahead of me. Beautiful sun streaming down. Waking up refreshed from a good night's sleep.
Shortly after waking, I got a phone call from ~R asking whether I'd like to join her, her flatmate J--- and J---- who were driving to the seaside in Brighton. I was packed and ready by 11.
J--- drove us down in her beautiful Alfa Romeo. It was lovely to be leaving Tooting for the countryside. Sitting in the glorious sun next to ~R helped add to the occasion. Poor J--- had to put up with periods of horrible traffic for the bank holiday weekend, especially when we got near Brighton and looked for parking.
Lunch was at an Italian bistro called Opposition. It was pretty iffy with very bad service, but was cheap.
The day was lovely. We went to the seaside, but it was stony and freezing, so we didn't stay and we didn't even go for a paddle. A day of fun in the sun. We went to the park, wandered around the town listening to street music, went for afternoon tea and just generally had fun. I fell asleep on the drive back, which is probably for the best as it stopped me from staring at ~R quite as much. She noticed me "mooning" her and I think it freaked her out as it was (mooning as in staring, not mooning as in pointing my bottom at her). J--- was awesome, it was so incredibly kind of her to drive us around all day.
We spent the evening around J----'s drinking tea and gossiping. Then dinnertime arrived and J---- offered to feed us! We all chipped in with ingredients and helped with cooking till we had a delicious dinner of spring rolls, stir-fried prawn noodles, stir-fried vegetables with garlic and ginger (cooked by ~R who is every bit as good a cook as she says) and jasmine tea. We hung out till gone 11, where people started to wilt, so we went back to our respective flats. I came to ~R and J---'s flat to help carry some of ~R's cups (in reality I think ~R and J--- had enough hands between them).
J--- went to bed, and ~R and I kissed. She has the most soft, warm, enveloping lips, that just stop the world. She's so amazing and beautiful. The world just becomes a small place, but it's such a happy one. I went to bed as she has far more self-control than I do.
Life is wonderful.
I'm proud of myself for learning things, especially where I've learned and grown from my previous relationship. Like I'm treating every day I spend with ~R as a wonderful bonus; but one which could end at any time. So I enjoy myself with her, but make sure I don't take stuff for granted and don't think about "future". I'm not worrying about how much I like her compared to how much she likes me. Things are what they are: comparisons don't matter. I know I'm much more into her than she is to me: doesn't matter. I'm just enjoying stuff while it lasts.
What I do need to work on is being more relaxed around her; my brain just shuts down around her because I'm still just amazed and awed by her. It still disturbs her and she doesn't like it when I stare at her - this is one of the drawbacks of my enjoying stuff while it lasts: I want to drink in every moment of her beauty and the happiness I get while I'm around her while I can - so I stare a bit more than I should. And I'm not discreet so she keeps catching me.
We're making progress. She's less freaked out when I tell her how wonderful she is, and I think we're both a bit more happy with some light physical contact. And above all, she makes me so unbelievably happy.
AcidCat
Three day weekend stretching out ahead of me. Beautiful sun streaming down. Waking up refreshed from a good night's sleep.
Shortly after waking, I got a phone call from ~R asking whether I'd like to join her, her flatmate J--- and J---- who were driving to the seaside in Brighton. I was packed and ready by 11.
J--- drove us down in her beautiful Alfa Romeo. It was lovely to be leaving Tooting for the countryside. Sitting in the glorious sun next to ~R helped add to the occasion. Poor J--- had to put up with periods of horrible traffic for the bank holiday weekend, especially when we got near Brighton and looked for parking.
Lunch was at an Italian bistro called Opposition. It was pretty iffy with very bad service, but was cheap.
The day was lovely. We went to the seaside, but it was stony and freezing, so we didn't stay and we didn't even go for a paddle. A day of fun in the sun. We went to the park, wandered around the town listening to street music, went for afternoon tea and just generally had fun. I fell asleep on the drive back, which is probably for the best as it stopped me from staring at ~R quite as much. She noticed me "mooning" her and I think it freaked her out as it was (mooning as in staring, not mooning as in pointing my bottom at her). J--- was awesome, it was so incredibly kind of her to drive us around all day.
We spent the evening around J----'s drinking tea and gossiping. Then dinnertime arrived and J---- offered to feed us! We all chipped in with ingredients and helped with cooking till we had a delicious dinner of spring rolls, stir-fried prawn noodles, stir-fried vegetables with garlic and ginger (cooked by ~R who is every bit as good a cook as she says) and jasmine tea. We hung out till gone 11, where people started to wilt, so we went back to our respective flats. I came to ~R and J---'s flat to help carry some of ~R's cups (in reality I think ~R and J--- had enough hands between them).
J--- went to bed, and ~R and I kissed. She has the most soft, warm, enveloping lips, that just stop the world. She's so amazing and beautiful. The world just becomes a small place, but it's such a happy one. I went to bed as she has far more self-control than I do.
Life is wonderful.
I'm proud of myself for learning things, especially where I've learned and grown from my previous relationship. Like I'm treating every day I spend with ~R as a wonderful bonus; but one which could end at any time. So I enjoy myself with her, but make sure I don't take stuff for granted and don't think about "future". I'm not worrying about how much I like her compared to how much she likes me. Things are what they are: comparisons don't matter. I know I'm much more into her than she is to me: doesn't matter. I'm just enjoying stuff while it lasts.
What I do need to work on is being more relaxed around her; my brain just shuts down around her because I'm still just amazed and awed by her. It still disturbs her and she doesn't like it when I stare at her - this is one of the drawbacks of my enjoying stuff while it lasts: I want to drink in every moment of her beauty and the happiness I get while I'm around her while I can - so I stare a bit more than I should. And I'm not discreet so she keeps catching me.
We're making progress. She's less freaked out when I tell her how wonderful she is, and I think we're both a bit more happy with some light physical contact. And above all, she makes me so unbelievably happy.
AcidCat
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