Chinese New Year resolutions

Just got back from a Tube station themed party (I pillaged the nearest hedge, and with the benefit of copious sticky tape and staples, went as "Bushey" - without realising that Bushey is only an overground railway station and not an underground. Sigh. The costume almost doubles up for Green Park or Wood Green) which I wasn't very keen on going to. I was thinking of ditching it as I wasn't in the mood up until climbing into the cab.

As you might be able to guess as I'm now writing this after 5 am, I had a lovely time, really enjoyed myself and was thoroughly glad I went. I received a lovely compliment from a friend (L----) who didn't realise I was having second thoughts about medicine, who said that I would make a good doctor and said I was very talented and that I had a lot of charisma which in his opinion was a large part of the battle with doctoring (this coming from a guy who is super-charismatic). The whole evening shows an advantage to saying yes.

So, in honour of this, and as I made so many New year resolutions that I lost track of them, here are my Chinese new year resolutions...

1) Be Happy.
2) Be Focussed (i.e. when working I'm going to work, when playing I'm going to play. I'm not going to mix the two).
3) If I don't know whether to say yes or no, I'm going to say yes.

3 resolutions seems reasonable. Let's do it!

AcidCat

A nice compliment

Conversation today with V--.

V--: "Everyone has ex-boyfriends".
Me: "I don't. I haven't had a single one."
V--: "Ok, fair enough. But you've had ex-girlfriends though haven't you?"
Me: "Erm. Actually, no."
V--: "Really? With your looks and personality I'm really surprised!"

And I could tell that there wasn't any sarcasm intended in the final comment. A lovely complement to receive, especially as I got a few kicks in my pursuit of my loved one today (She said again she's not looking for a relationship, and she mentioned someone else (a demonstrator) that she finds hot, and she thinks might also quite like her).

Another positive was a nice chat with my ex-PBL buddy C------ tonight. We skirted around my relationship woes (I think she's guessed who and how things are), and if we are both on the same wavelength, she thinks that things are going quite well in my slow and steady chase...

Here's hoping.

AcidCat

P.S. Happy Birthday J--! Just finished his party (it's still carrying on without me in our kitchen). It was fun and my popcorn making skills went down well. Another compliment is to have your skills or talents appreciated.

Confidence boost

I had a wonderful morning at the GP surgery today! I got to see a whole host of interesting patients, including some pregnant ladies (whose urine I was allowed to dipstick), and people with diabetes, migraine, stress related problems, anaemia, and lots more. I only was asked to leave the room twice, and I could understand why for both times.

I really got an understanding of how difficult the work of a GP was. The amount of ground you have to cover in a short 10 minute appointment is incredible, and in addition to being there to look after the medical well being of the patient, you're looking after their mental and emotional health, and acting as a confidant and counsellor and social worker. I was drained after a morning there, and I wasn't even doing the work (and my GP still had an afternoon and evening surgery to run).

It was a fantastic experience, but I was overawed by what GPs had to do, and I already felt that my clinical skills weren't up to the task, so I made some comment to the GP that I felt that I didn't have a future in clinical medicine and certainly not as a GP, having seen how difficult it was, especially with such a short consultation time. She passed on one of the nicest compliments that I've received since I've got here.

The first week that we were sitting in on the GP surgery it was to observe hearing impaired patients. We were lucky enough to see two very different hearing impaired patients, different both in terms of how they had developed deafness and how they were managing with it. As I was really nervous, I thought I had made an appalling impression on both the patients and the GP. However, the GP passed on a message from the first hearing impaired patient that she felt that I had the best empathy and listening skills out of the entire group and felt that I would make an excellent doctor because I developed a good rapport. This was a huge confidence boost, and I was flattered that this had come from a patient without prompting. I left the surgery feeling fired up, and feeling that I could achieve.

That was the good part of the day. I'm afraid to report that I haven't managed to do much this afternoon, as I tried to take a one hour nap which I slept through the alarm for, and woke up 3 hours later. It might be a long night ahead trying to learn about the liver...

AcidCat

No more Mr Nice Guy

Tomorrow I have my first exam for my course. Fortunately it's "formative", which means that the mark doesn't matter at all, it's mainly for our benefit. I have taken this to mean that it's effectively a mock exam. As such, instead of revising hard, I'm tapping out a little blog entry and then going to get a comparatively early night.

Main thing today was a chat I had with one of the amazing one's flatmates (one of my study friends). We spent a little bit of time putting the world to rights (the NHS in particular), and bemoaning the portrayal of doctors by the media and particularly the government. Our experience of doctors has been pretty positive, and people seem driven to study medicine out of an overwhelming desire to help people. It seems a bit odd to vilify them as the government seem intent on doing (but we worked out it's probably out of political expediency: if the NHS is going badly, it's nothing to do with the government's poor management or chronic long-term underfunding (which has stretched back many governments - especially under the Tories), it's got to be those greedy, incompetent doctors. She also gave me a bit of a pep-talk about trying to stick with the course.

Anyway, she also said that I was a really nice guy for buying the amazing one the small birthday cake. I didn't really know what to say... I thanked her and tried to move the subject on.

Problem is, I don't know how much of a nice guy getting the present really makes me. I'm sure that the wonderful one appreciated the thought, and her flatmates all enjoyed having some cake. However, I don't know if she'd really enjoy the fact that her "friend" is obsessed about her and puts her on a pedestal. I suppose the gifts were altruistic in that I wasn't expecting anything back for it, and I just want to see her happy. I got a lot out of giving the gift though: just from her response and seeing her pleased, and the fact I got to spend a little time with her and a few of her flatmates, and also the little hug of thanks she gave me - made it certainly worth the time and effort of traipsing around shops trying to find things which she wouldn't be allergic to!

I did discuss with that flatmate about whether there was such a thing as a truly altruistic act (fortunately it had come up in a discussion with another workmate). We came to the conclusion that everything is done for self-interest to some extent. Even if the act seems selfless, it generally gets done for the gratitude, or for self-satisfaction (or the warm fuzzies as I put it). It doesn't make the act less worthy, but I'm just trying to get my head around whether it was the act of a nice guy or whether it was just me being selfish.

The final point on the matter was, it made me realise why I'm not very good at receiving compliments. When she said I was a nice person, it made me realise it changes people's perceptions of me. It means I have to work harder to live up to these expectations (and to some extent means that future acts are harder/more expected). In a way, I think I'd like to cultivate the reputation as a bit of a bastard who occasionally does some bizarre, nice, kind, unexpected things - but I don't think I'm very good at this. I wonder if this is related to my low self-esteem and self-confidence.

Anyway, I've procrastinated plenty long enough. I'm off to do a little bit of last minute reading, and then finally get some sleep.

Goodnight
AcidCat

Compliments

Just been reading Stephen Fry's excellent blog (or blessay as each post is much more akin to an essay on a particular subject) and found a post on fame particularly interesting. It includes a section on aspects of his fame, and the section on receiving compliments struck a chord. I don't receive compliments often, but when I do, shyness and modesty make me contradict any compliments as I don't know how to accept them. Having read through his thoughtful essay I realise that it's completely the wrong thing to do. I've included the section below (without permission, but please don't sue me) as it really made me appreciate how wrong it is, and I'd better work at gracefully accepting the compliment.

AcidCat

Compliments
The entire interaction works better if there’s a little understanding on each side. You might be the fortieth person that day to approach your sleb. They might have just heard that their favourite aunt has been diagnosed with cancer. On the other hand, the famous person should remember that it takes courage to approach a stranger, especially one you’ve only seen on TV or at the movies. They could so easily squash you. Many newly made slebs fall down especially in the area of compliments. It’s perhaps a very English thing to find it hard to accept kind words about oneself. If anyone praised me in my early days as a comedy performer I would say, “Oh, nonsense. Shut up. No really, I was dreadful.” I remember going through this red-faced shuffle in the presence of the mighty John Cleese who upbraided me the moment we were alone.
‘You genuinely think you’re being polite and modest, don’t you?’
‘Well, you know …’
‘Don’t you see that when someone hears their compliments contradicted they naturally assume that you must think them a fool? Suppose you went up to a pianist after a recital and told him how much you had enjoyed his performance and he replied, “rubbish, I was awful!” You would go away thinking you were a poor judge of musicianship and that he thought you an idiot.’
‘Yes, but I can’t agree with someone if they praise me, that would sound so cocky. And anyway, suppose I do think I was awful?’ (which most of the time performers do think of themselves, of course.)
‘It’s so simple. You just say thank you. You just thank them. How hard is that?’
You must think me the completest kind of arse to have needed to be told how to take a compliment, but it was an important lesson that I (clearly) never forgot. So bound up with not wanting to look smug and pleased with ourselves are we that we forget how mortifying it is to have compliments thrown back in one’s face.