I went to watch a DVD with ~R and her friend from uni called L-----. I saw my Valentine's card pinned up in her bedroom. It made me feel lovely; thinking about one of my actions making her happy.
:)
AcidCat
Saturday, April 25, 2009
First day of my life
This is the first day of my life-- First Day of my Life -- Bright Eyes
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
Today is the first day of my life. Today was pretty mediocre as far as work goes. Lunch was lovely though as a few friends who ~R had told about us going on a few dates congratulated me and said nice things. Also got to sit with ~R for some of the lectures.
After work things were lots of fun. My flatmate J-- had finished exams, so his group were sat on the grass drinking, so I crashed the party for a little while which was fun.
~R had suggested that we could do something fun this evening, so I called in on her flat to see if she was still keen on going out. Some of her flatmates were around, and they were having food, so I had the lucky bonus of being fed and had some lovely tea and coffee. I do like all of her flatmates, so that was lovely. Her flatmates eventually trickled away, leaving me alone with ~R. She was tired which ruled out the original clubbing idea. We didn't like what was available at the cinema (Hannah Montana movie or 17 again?) and we were too late for the comedy night on the boat. We fancied going out, so decided to hit central London to escape from Tooting and hope to catch the last of the sun.
We went to Waterloo to walk along Bankside, but sadly missed the sun while on the tube - it was the post-dusk era. We spent some time along Bankside, admiring the view, seeing the photo exhibit that was up.
We were standing by the Thames staring at the view. I'm going to skip many of the details (even on an anonymous blog, some things need to be kept private). ~R told me some of the stuff that was on her mind. Lots of stuff I couldn't do anything about, or say anything to help. I was honoured that she felt comfortable enough to and decided to tell me. I told her what I thought and some of the things that were going through my mind.
And then we kissed.
I can't really explain much else for the evening. It was a time of happiness, glow, trembling, excitement, thrill, fear, love (on my part anyway), contentment, exhilaration. I can't do the feelings and sensations justice. It felt like floating, like spinning into the air - gliding. Everything.
We went for cake, but needed to get back at a comparatively civilised time (though it still wasn't that early - I think we started getting the train back at 11:30). I spoiled the evening slightly by being a bit obsessive and crazy about her. I keep staring at her; she's so beautiful and so wonderful - this makes her uncomfortable. I just got carried away, and my brain has gone completely AWOL. I also need to remember to keep things slow.
I had a wonderful evening. I don't think I've ever been so happy. I love ~R so much. I've just been in a happy daze.
I'm trying not to get too obsessed (it's arguable that it's too late for that). I realise that this may not be the happy ever after I'd love it to be, and it could easily end tomorrow. I need to keep one eye on how lucky I've been already: ~R has made me so happy over the past month. She's also excised thoughts of my ex from my mind - I can't remember when it happened, but I stopped thinking about my ex daily, and I don't feel a pang or pain when I do think of her (this happened even before I asked ~R out). I feel good about myself. She makes me feel positive about life, work, everything - and keep everything in perspective.
Phoenix ascending: 24 April 2009. Phoenix is fully reborn, and burning brightly. Unstoppable.
Love to all of you, but especially: love you ~R
AcidCat
PS. ~R, if you ever do read this: I wasn't joking, it wasn't just a line: it was the honest truth. I don't ever remember being as happy as I have since we've started hanging out together. Thank you.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I'll be watching you.
What is the difference between being a stalker and being in love?
I worry I've crossed the line and become a stalker.
AcidCat
I worry I've crossed the line and become a stalker.
- I've been (secretly) playing an online computer game because she plays.
- I've started changing what I eat in case that I am lucky enough to be close to her (so she doesn't suffer an allergic reaction.
- After she popped up for 10 minutes for a cup of tea, after she left an hour later, I used that same cup to drink out of, so my lips could touch the same place her lips had been.
AcidCat
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Warmth
Quick update.
I think I didn't mess up too badly by telling R----- that I love her; today, she's been telling a few more people that we're seeing each other. It gives me more warm fuzzies. I just wish we had more time to spend together. Just being with her makes me so happy. I hope I make her happy too.
Things are going well. Work is not ideal, but that's a side issue to me at the moment. I'm really glad R got her projects finished and handed in on time yesterday. I even got to sit with her for a little while on the grass as the sun went down, with one of her flatmates accompanying us. I had a few minutes with her on the grass at lunchtime today outside St. H hospital, and she looked so beautiful, just lying in the sun.
I have another early start tomorrow (just like today - we've been working out of different hospitals), so I'm going to go do a bit more work and then go to bed. And stop myself procrastinating.
AcidCat
I think I didn't mess up too badly by telling R----- that I love her; today, she's been telling a few more people that we're seeing each other. It gives me more warm fuzzies. I just wish we had more time to spend together. Just being with her makes me so happy. I hope I make her happy too.
Things are going well. Work is not ideal, but that's a side issue to me at the moment. I'm really glad R got her projects finished and handed in on time yesterday. I even got to sit with her for a little while on the grass as the sun went down, with one of her flatmates accompanying us. I had a few minutes with her on the grass at lunchtime today outside St. H hospital, and she looked so beautiful, just lying in the sun.
I have another early start tomorrow (just like today - we've been working out of different hospitals), so I'm going to go do a bit more work and then go to bed. And stop myself procrastinating.
AcidCat
Sunday, April 19, 2009
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
Sometimes I'm such an impetuous idiot.
I went for a cup of tea on the grass to watch the sun set with R-----. Because I've been bottling it up inside me for so long, I decided to tell R----- that I loved her. Despite the fact that it's so early that I'm not even sure you could call it a "relationship". Despite the fact I know she's "got issues". Despite the fact, I really don't know how she feels at all. Despite the fact she's got other things going on now.
The power of three words amazes me.
Unsurprisingly, she freaked a bit. If I was going to be rational about it all, she freaked a lot less than she had a right to, and I should have expected her to. She seemed shocked that I had said it so early and that I'd barely knew her. I had forgotten that a month ago, she had no idea that I really liked her, she's had weeks to get used to the idea, whereas I've been pining after her for over 6 months. I didn't tell her that, because for once, the impetuosity was filtered out somewhere between my brain and mouth - otherwise she would have freaked out (and I wouldn't be able to blame her - I worry I'm turning into a stalker).
After we changed subject though things went back to the normal fun. We had a long chat to procrastinate on instant messenger this evening, and she popped by briefly this evening so I think things are ok. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't such an impetuous idiot. Luckily, the amazing one said "Yes, but you are a lovely idiot". A sentence which made me love her all the more. Damn.
As she's not listening here, I can get away with it now.
I really love you, R-----. You make me feel so happy just by being around me. I feel sad when you're upset, but I'd still love to be with you no matter how you're feeling. But when you're happy and you're near, I feel that I've hit the jackpot and the world is the most incredible place. I can't promise you "forever" - I don't think you'd want me to, and it would be dishonest - I'm not psychic, I can't see what fate and the future holds. I can tell you though, that I've never felt this way about anyone before - ever. I've never met anyone who I've found so amazingly beautiful and attractive as you are. I've never met anyone who's as much fun to be with. I've never met anyone I'd rather spend time with - I can't even think of anyone I'd rather spend time with. You just glow with a radiance. I want to make you happy - it would make me ecstatic.
Luckily, I didn't say that to her, otherwise she'd probably be at an airport right now, in disguise, paying for a ticket to a mystery location. In cash. I just told her that I loved her.
Hell, since even before I asked you out, you're the reason I stopped thinking about my ex every day. I didn't even notice it. It was about bloody time, it's been over 3 years; it was time those scars faded. Thank you.
You're a major reason I'm determined to do well and stay at this course. I want you to be here. I want to be here with you. No more of this "I'm not sure" from me now. I'm focussed.
You inspire me to act how I want to behave. Do things well. I want to be good enough for you. I've noticed changes in my behaviour and outlook in life.
Thank you. You're incredible.
And the one fact I definitely want to keep hidden from you - you're so amazing, wonderful and fantastic that even if it doesn't end up working between us, I'm going to try my damnedest to stay your friend as you're unique and incredible. I thought that before with my ex, just when we were starting to date. However, this time having gone through it once, I'm trying to keep myself realistic and I think I'd be better at it. Hoping it doesn't come to that though.
I love you.
AcidCat
P.S. Just a random observation. Some of the best love songs don't have the word "love" in them. Example, Elton John's "Your Song". I came up with a few today, and not explicitly saying love means you end up working harder to express your feelings so it becomes more heartfelt and less cheesy (a la "Love is all around" or "I will always love you").
I went for a cup of tea on the grass to watch the sun set with R-----. Because I've been bottling it up inside me for so long, I decided to tell R----- that I loved her. Despite the fact that it's so early that I'm not even sure you could call it a "relationship". Despite the fact I know she's "got issues". Despite the fact, I really don't know how she feels at all. Despite the fact she's got other things going on now.
The power of three words amazes me.
Unsurprisingly, she freaked a bit. If I was going to be rational about it all, she freaked a lot less than she had a right to, and I should have expected her to. She seemed shocked that I had said it so early and that I'd barely knew her. I had forgotten that a month ago, she had no idea that I really liked her, she's had weeks to get used to the idea, whereas I've been pining after her for over 6 months. I didn't tell her that, because for once, the impetuosity was filtered out somewhere between my brain and mouth - otherwise she would have freaked out (and I wouldn't be able to blame her - I worry I'm turning into a stalker).
After we changed subject though things went back to the normal fun. We had a long chat to procrastinate on instant messenger this evening, and she popped by briefly this evening so I think things are ok. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't such an impetuous idiot. Luckily, the amazing one said "Yes, but you are a lovely idiot". A sentence which made me love her all the more. Damn.
As she's not listening here, I can get away with it now.
I really love you, R-----. You make me feel so happy just by being around me. I feel sad when you're upset, but I'd still love to be with you no matter how you're feeling. But when you're happy and you're near, I feel that I've hit the jackpot and the world is the most incredible place. I can't promise you "forever" - I don't think you'd want me to, and it would be dishonest - I'm not psychic, I can't see what fate and the future holds. I can tell you though, that I've never felt this way about anyone before - ever. I've never met anyone who I've found so amazingly beautiful and attractive as you are. I've never met anyone who's as much fun to be with. I've never met anyone I'd rather spend time with - I can't even think of anyone I'd rather spend time with. You just glow with a radiance. I want to make you happy - it would make me ecstatic.
Luckily, I didn't say that to her, otherwise she'd probably be at an airport right now, in disguise, paying for a ticket to a mystery location. In cash. I just told her that I loved her.
Hell, since even before I asked you out, you're the reason I stopped thinking about my ex every day. I didn't even notice it. It was about bloody time, it's been over 3 years; it was time those scars faded. Thank you.
You're a major reason I'm determined to do well and stay at this course. I want you to be here. I want to be here with you. No more of this "I'm not sure" from me now. I'm focussed.
You inspire me to act how I want to behave. Do things well. I want to be good enough for you. I've noticed changes in my behaviour and outlook in life.
Thank you. You're incredible.
And the one fact I definitely want to keep hidden from you - you're so amazing, wonderful and fantastic that even if it doesn't end up working between us, I'm going to try my damnedest to stay your friend as you're unique and incredible. I thought that before with my ex, just when we were starting to date. However, this time having gone through it once, I'm trying to keep myself realistic and I think I'd be better at it. Hoping it doesn't come to that though.
I love you.
AcidCat
P.S. Just a random observation. Some of the best love songs don't have the word "love" in them. Example, Elton John's "Your Song". I came up with a few today, and not explicitly saying love means you end up working harder to express your feelings so it becomes more heartfelt and less cheesy (a la "Love is all around" or "I will always love you").
Friday, April 17, 2009
Pass!
Turns out the last exam on the endocrine system (hormones) went well:
Basic & Clinical science
Mark 78%
Pass Mark 52%
Mean 67%
Range 47-82%
Personal Professional Development (Ethics and law etc.)
Mark 95%
Pass Mark 50%
Mean 61%
Range 0-100%
Community and population health (Sociology and epidemiology etc.)
Mark 70 %
Pass Mark 53%
Mean 74%
Range 35-93%
I'm particularly pleased with the basic clinical science mark as that's the one which has some relevance to one's abilities as a doctor. The other two I'm just aiming to pass.
Had a good evening of eating, drinking, and lewd merry making with the wonderful R-----, and also the fun, entertaining T----, A----, S----, C------ and S----'s friend S---. It was a good evening and I'm happy now. Have to be up very early tomorrow to go to a conference with R----- and V-- which should be fun, but as I need to be up at the crack of dawn, I'm off to bed now.
Good night!
AcidCat
Basic & Clinical science
Mark 78%
Pass Mark 52%
Mean 67%
Range 47-82%
Personal Professional Development (Ethics and law etc.)
Mark 95%
Pass Mark 50%
Mean 61%
Range 0-100%
Community and population health (Sociology and epidemiology etc.)
Mark 70 %
Pass Mark 53%
Mean 74%
Range 35-93%
I'm particularly pleased with the basic clinical science mark as that's the one which has some relevance to one's abilities as a doctor. The other two I'm just aiming to pass.
Had a good evening of eating, drinking, and lewd merry making with the wonderful R-----, and also the fun, entertaining T----, A----, S----, C------ and S----'s friend S---. It was a good evening and I'm happy now. Have to be up very early tomorrow to go to a conference with R----- and V-- which should be fun, but as I need to be up at the crack of dawn, I'm off to bed now.
Good night!
AcidCat
Monday, April 13, 2009
Happy Eostre
Had a lovely Easter weekend. Helped my sister move house into a beautiful flat with an enormous garden. It was exhausting, but I was pleased to be able to help.
Otherwise spent the rest of the weekend with my family, and it was brilliant to see them. Spent time at the allotment getting the ground ready and just spent some good quality relaxation time - something which I rarely do.
I'm really happy. Being in love gives you a new-found outlook on life. I don't really know how to go and say hi to R-----, but I'm really looking forwards to seeing the amazing lady again. Facebook is a very dangerous thing for someone with tendencies towards stalking, but to see her status read "R----- is happy." gives me such a wonderful, warm, contented feeling.
AcidCat
Otherwise spent the rest of the weekend with my family, and it was brilliant to see them. Spent time at the allotment getting the ground ready and just spent some good quality relaxation time - something which I rarely do.
I'm really happy. Being in love gives you a new-found outlook on life. I don't really know how to go and say hi to R-----, but I'm really looking forwards to seeing the amazing lady again. Facebook is a very dangerous thing for someone with tendencies towards stalking, but to see her status read "R----- is happy." gives me such a wonderful, warm, contented feeling.
AcidCat
Saturday, April 11, 2009
May the Force be with us. Always.
Today I went to "Star Wars: A Musical Journey" with R----- at the O2. Fantastic. Anthony Daniels (C3P0 actor) narrated the evening, the music was the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra playing the John Williams score, and excerpts from the six films put on the big screen (which were well synchronised with the music). It was fantastic - even reminded me that Episodes I and II still had good bits. The music was really inspiring too, you leave thinking you can achieve anything - revolution!
However, no matter how good the actual event was - predictably the highlight of the evening was spending time with R-----. It was the most amazing evening I could remember. I did actually spend some time this evening trying to think when the last time I felt this happy, and I just couldn't remember. I felt more elated the day I passed my PhD, but for happiness, I genuinely can't remember the last time I felt like this.
For the first time, I really felt: "Hey, I think she likes me". She gave me a kiss on the cheek, we held hands and walked arm in arm and with my arm around her. We chatted about things and spoke about deep things (feelings and stuff). It was amazing.
I bought her flowers. I hope that wasn't too much too soon.
Anyway, life is amazing for me. Happy Easter to all of you! Hope you're all just as happy.
AcidCat
However, no matter how good the actual event was - predictably the highlight of the evening was spending time with R-----. It was the most amazing evening I could remember. I did actually spend some time this evening trying to think when the last time I felt this happy, and I just couldn't remember. I felt more elated the day I passed my PhD, but for happiness, I genuinely can't remember the last time I felt like this.
For the first time, I really felt: "Hey, I think she likes me". She gave me a kiss on the cheek, we held hands and walked arm in arm and with my arm around her. We chatted about things and spoke about deep things (feelings and stuff). It was amazing.
I bought her flowers. I hope that wasn't too much too soon.
Anyway, life is amazing for me. Happy Easter to all of you! Hope you're all just as happy.
AcidCat
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Animal magnetism
Had another amazing day today. Spent it with R-----. We went to London Zoo, which is lovely, but quite expensive. One of R-----'s friends (who works at the zoo, effectively running a dating agency for the animals) managed to get us in free and give us a lovely guided tour of the must see highlights (thanks very much H-----!) which was cool.
It was lovely to see the animals: London Zoo may not be the biggest zoo, or one with the most animals, but the animals there were clearly happy and content and very well looked after. The primates were adorable, the meerkats were extremely cute. The most beautiful thing there though was the one I came in with.
I've had such a wonderful day with her. I keep finding myself staring at her, and just thinking "I love you". I love her so much. Seeing her just makes me feel so amazingly happy. I'm confident she likes me now. I really enjoyed our journey back. I put my arm around her a few times, and I had her head against me: close enough to feel the warmth of her head on my cheek and so I could smell the scent of her hair. She touched my hand with hers.
Just remembering it again now - I feel so happy, content and relaxed. Life is so good to me right now.
AcidCat
It was lovely to see the animals: London Zoo may not be the biggest zoo, or one with the most animals, but the animals there were clearly happy and content and very well looked after. The primates were adorable, the meerkats were extremely cute. The most beautiful thing there though was the one I came in with.
I've had such a wonderful day with her. I keep finding myself staring at her, and just thinking "I love you". I love her so much. Seeing her just makes me feel so amazingly happy. I'm confident she likes me now. I really enjoyed our journey back. I put my arm around her a few times, and I had her head against me: close enough to feel the warmth of her head on my cheek and so I could smell the scent of her hair. She touched my hand with hers.
Just remembering it again now - I feel so happy, content and relaxed. Life is so good to me right now.
AcidCat
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
An entrancing day
An awesome 2nd date.
I was much less nervous today. We just went out and had fun. We walked along the Thames towards Tate Modern. Saw the main installation which was really cool and interesting, looked at their second floor exhibition (included two rather dodgy films - showing some artists can be serious perverts!) and drank tea from the top floor of their cafe watching London go by.
We grabbed a quick bite from a pizza restaurant. R----- had a serious allergic reaction to the pizza despite it being labelled as being nut-free. She had run out of anti-histamines and was about to administer adrenalin. I was so relieved to find anti-histamines in my bag. I refilled the anti-histamines in my bag as soon as I got back.
We went to the hypnosis talk which was really interesting. I got chatting briefly to a clinical hypnotist who was lovely and gave us some notes and gave us her card in case we had any questions. I enjoyed the talk which showed the power of hypnosis (the speaker helped to put someone under so that they could reset a broken leg without anaesthesia!) and got some interesting lines that I thought I could add to my routines. R----- was excited by the talk and admitted to becoming a convert to hypnosis.
We had a wander together to have a look for a tattoo studio that she was thinking of getting a tattoo from. We went to have noodles for dinner and then went for a lovely walk together, wandering around Covent Garden. The atmosphere was wonderful, summoning the café culture that the 24 hour drinking was supposed to bring. A Monday evening there where people were having fun, there were families with younger children. There were buskers playing music adding to the scene, and the sky was clear and beautiful. Slightly embarrassingly, she caught me staring at her, because she is incredible.
We wandered along the Thames towards Embankment. I love central London at night time. It was so peaceful, but with the cars going past, it never got spooky. We stared out across the river and just enjoyed the calm scene.
The tube journey back was amazing. She was tired and she rested her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her, and it felt fantastic.
Our local tube station was closed at night, so we had a long walk back home. It was fun to chat and she told me some really interesting stuff about greek legends. She's so smart and knowledgeable and amazingly cool. I adore her.
I'm so excited. We've arranged to go out on Wednesday to go to London Zoo. It's going to be so much fun. I just need to keep in my head that we should just go and have fun together and forget about "dates".
I'm so happy. When we were at the end of the evening, staring out on the Thames with the moon looking down on us, I remembered thinking that I can't remember being this happy. When we had the hypnosis talk and they mentioned a "keepsake": a symbol that made you feel happy or safe - I thought of the daisy chain that she made and put on me.
Don't get carried away. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy her company. Live in now - enjoy it like it's our last moment. It's a nice ideal to dream as if it will last forever, but it's far too early for that.
:-)
AcidCat
PS. Something that amused me: when one of her flatmates texted her today, she replied that she was on a date with me. Her flatmate texted back that (unlike R-----) she wasn't at all surprised. It does suggest that R----- was slightly oblivious, as the people who could see it was easily in double figures.
Having said that, she did give me a lovely compliment saying that she didn't think that I could be interested in her. I know that sounds ambiguous written down here, but the way it was said made me know that it was truly wonderful.
Dammit. Can't get carried away.
I was much less nervous today. We just went out and had fun. We walked along the Thames towards Tate Modern. Saw the main installation which was really cool and interesting, looked at their second floor exhibition (included two rather dodgy films - showing some artists can be serious perverts!) and drank tea from the top floor of their cafe watching London go by.
We grabbed a quick bite from a pizza restaurant. R----- had a serious allergic reaction to the pizza despite it being labelled as being nut-free. She had run out of anti-histamines and was about to administer adrenalin. I was so relieved to find anti-histamines in my bag. I refilled the anti-histamines in my bag as soon as I got back.
We went to the hypnosis talk which was really interesting. I got chatting briefly to a clinical hypnotist who was lovely and gave us some notes and gave us her card in case we had any questions. I enjoyed the talk which showed the power of hypnosis (the speaker helped to put someone under so that they could reset a broken leg without anaesthesia!) and got some interesting lines that I thought I could add to my routines. R----- was excited by the talk and admitted to becoming a convert to hypnosis.
We had a wander together to have a look for a tattoo studio that she was thinking of getting a tattoo from. We went to have noodles for dinner and then went for a lovely walk together, wandering around Covent Garden. The atmosphere was wonderful, summoning the café culture that the 24 hour drinking was supposed to bring. A Monday evening there where people were having fun, there were families with younger children. There were buskers playing music adding to the scene, and the sky was clear and beautiful. Slightly embarrassingly, she caught me staring at her, because she is incredible.
We wandered along the Thames towards Embankment. I love central London at night time. It was so peaceful, but with the cars going past, it never got spooky. We stared out across the river and just enjoyed the calm scene.
The tube journey back was amazing. She was tired and she rested her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her, and it felt fantastic.
Our local tube station was closed at night, so we had a long walk back home. It was fun to chat and she told me some really interesting stuff about greek legends. She's so smart and knowledgeable and amazingly cool. I adore her.
I'm so excited. We've arranged to go out on Wednesday to go to London Zoo. It's going to be so much fun. I just need to keep in my head that we should just go and have fun together and forget about "dates".
I'm so happy. When we were at the end of the evening, staring out on the Thames with the moon looking down on us, I remembered thinking that I can't remember being this happy. When we had the hypnosis talk and they mentioned a "keepsake": a symbol that made you feel happy or safe - I thought of the daisy chain that she made and put on me.
Don't get carried away. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy her company. Live in now - enjoy it like it's our last moment. It's a nice ideal to dream as if it will last forever, but it's far too early for that.
:-)
AcidCat
PS. Something that amused me: when one of her flatmates texted her today, she replied that she was on a date with me. Her flatmate texted back that (unlike R-----) she wasn't at all surprised. It does suggest that R----- was slightly oblivious, as the people who could see it was easily in double figures.
Having said that, she did give me a lovely compliment saying that she didn't think that I could be interested in her. I know that sounds ambiguous written down here, but the way it was said made me know that it was truly wonderful.
Dammit. Can't get carried away.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Art attack
Quick post before bed.
Second properish date tomorrow... I'm nervous and excited again. We're going to a hypnosis lecture in the evening, but we're going to make the most of being on holiday by spending the day together. I suggested the Tate Modern as R----- mentioned that she enjoyed museums and art galleries and hadn't been to the Tate Modern. I'm really hoping the main installation is good now...
Eep. I'm so jittery. Have spent the evening doing my laundry, then finding out my skills with an iron are no-where near good enough...
Every message I get from her, I keep thinking "I love you". I'm so glad that text messages and emails you can't hear what the other person says when they receive it, otherwise it might scare her away. Bearing in mind how oblivious she was that I liked her (despite the attraction lasting for over half a year of me failing to keep it under wraps), I don't think she realises the extent of my feelings towards her.
Hope tomorrow (or actually today now!) goes well. Will concentrate on just being relaxed and having fun and a good time together. Don't think either of us needs the pressure.
Good night everyone!
AcidCat
Second properish date tomorrow... I'm nervous and excited again. We're going to a hypnosis lecture in the evening, but we're going to make the most of being on holiday by spending the day together. I suggested the Tate Modern as R----- mentioned that she enjoyed museums and art galleries and hadn't been to the Tate Modern. I'm really hoping the main installation is good now...
Eep. I'm so jittery. Have spent the evening doing my laundry, then finding out my skills with an iron are no-where near good enough...
Every message I get from her, I keep thinking "I love you". I'm so glad that text messages and emails you can't hear what the other person says when they receive it, otherwise it might scare her away. Bearing in mind how oblivious she was that I liked her (despite the attraction lasting for over half a year of me failing to keep it under wraps), I don't think she realises the extent of my feelings towards her.
Hope tomorrow (or actually today now!) goes well. Will concentrate on just being relaxed and having fun and a good time together. Don't think either of us needs the pressure.
Good night everyone!
AcidCat
Saturday, April 04, 2009
I wish I could share all the love that's in my heart
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
I wish I could say all the things that I should say
Say 'em loud, say 'em clear, for the whole round world to hear.
I wish I could share all the love that's in my heart
Remove all the bars that keep us apart
I wish you could know what it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree that every man should be free.
I wish I could give all I'm longing to give
I wish I could live like I'm longing to live
I wish that I could do all the things that I can do
Though I'm way overdue I'd be starting anew.
Well I wish I could be like a bird in the sky
How sweet it would be if I found I could fly
Oh I'd soar to the sun and look down at the sea
And I'd sing cos I'd know that
And I'd sing cos I'd know that
And I'd sing cos I'd know that
I'd know how it feels to be free
I'd know how it feels to be free
I'd know how it feels to be free
-- "I wish I knew how it would be to be free" - Nina Simone
I'm feeling so happy at the moment. I know I'm getting carried away, but I've spent the evening in the company of R----- (the amazing one), and some other friends. And it feels fantastic. I know I'm reading too much into it (just like I falsely read too much into how badly the first date went), but I'm feeling so much more comfortable about everything (although I still go jittery and blank whenever I'm around her). Everytime she looked at me, my heart just melted. I knew what happiness is from a single glance. She made a daisy chain and placed it around my head to wear.
I want to keep it, but don't know how to keep it looking beautiful. It's so fragile and amazing. I get the most incredible warm fuzzies just looking at it.
She's so fantastic. I need to try and get the balance right of spending time with her, but not hounding her so much that she tires of me. It's so difficult, specially when you're so crazy about someone that you think about them all the time.
Also having a wonderful day anyway. Had a lovely late night chat with my flatmates and also found out that a little cake to a sad person can make them feel much happier. It's a brilliant feeling to know that you've helped make someone's day better.
Love to all of you. Hope you're as happy as I am. Today's another one to add to the days I want to hang on to.
AcidCat
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Something positive
Thanks to comments from my newly re-livered friend D---, Ash (from Arien Musings) and my sister, I'm now feeling a lot more positive about yesterday's date.
Bottom line is, I now realise I was hoping for too much.
I had fun yesterday. Let's just see how things go and hope to have some more days out where we have fun and then see if we connect.
Thanks to all of you guys. You're all fantastic.
Love
AcidCat
Bottom line is, I now realise I was hoping for too much.
I had fun yesterday. Let's just see how things go and hope to have some more days out where we have fun and then see if we connect.
Thanks to all of you guys. You're all fantastic.
Love
AcidCat
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Damn
Just got back from my first ever date, and feel that it's particularly appropriate that it's now April Fool's Day.
It didn't go particularly well.
I filled my time this morning tidying up like crazy - in case we came back to my flat, as it needed doing anyway, and also as a displacement activity to try and prevent me from getting nervous.
I picked her up from her flat. Her flatmate answered, and we had a bit of a chat. I don't know the rules of dating so this was already not going to plan. I wasn't sure if this person knew I was taking R----- out on a date (or even whether I was there to see her) so I already felt off-guard.
We went to the Bodyworlds exhibit in the O2 centre.
The journey down was slightly awkward. The conversation didn't really flow and I was feeling a bit nervous, despite my best efforts.
We arrived a little early and we stood by the river for a bit, and for some reason the conversation started flowing a little more freely.
The actual Bodyworlds exhibition was enjoyable and well recommended for anyone - even if you aren't studying any medical/physiology discipline. Some of the exhibits are artistic, some are informative. It's a really good way of getting a feel for what's happening to you below the surface of the skin. I was slightly in awe in that place (a bit like being in a church or place of worship) which kept the conversation slightly stop-start.
We finished the exhibition feeling slightly ravenous. I don't think it's particularly an effect of being around the preserved cadavers - for me certainly it was largely due to nerves meaning that I had only eaten a few slices of toast up till that point. We went to a reasonably mediocre Native American Indian themed steak restaurant inside the O2.
We went to NamcoStation - an arcade where we played some computer games, and I got humiliated at air hockey and a stompy game a bit like DDR. I did about as well as she did on the Time Crisis shooters, with her scoring more points my improved survival.
We wandered along the Thames towards Chinatown. By the time we arrived it was quite late and most the shops were shutting. We went to Haagen-Daz Cafe, but were severely underwhelmed by the selection, so we went to Ben and Jerry's (closed), tried one of the Chinese cafes for bubble tea instead at 10:55, but they told me that they were closing at 11. I tried to flirt and play with the (male) waiter to persuade them to serve us - but when they clearly weren't about to budge I started really laying it on thick and teasing them - until R----- finally dragged me away. I thought that I had embarrassed her, but she said she just found it funny.
We ended up at a nearby internet cafe where we rounded off the evening, before heading back on the tube, and walking back from the tube station.
I think the date itself was quite fun - if I hadn't intended it as a date, and it was just two people going out and having a good time, it certainly did that. I was just disappointed because I'm not sure we had real chemistry going on. I'm still incredibly attracted to her, but I don't know if it will work. I loved spending time with her and learned so many fantastic, fascinating things about her. I was a little disappointed that I didn't even hold her hand, let alone finish the night with a kiss, but then again I do worry I'm a wuss. She said she had a nice time and that she'd like to do that kind of thing with me again, but I wonder if I've just wandered into the friend category. I can think of worse places to be, but compared with my hopes and dreams it's a slightly disappointing second best.
I still really love her. I'm just feeling a bit deflated now.
Hopefully a night of sleep and life will feel good again.
Maybe it was mostly first night nerves.
Love to everyone, but especially R-----. Thank you for a fun day. That much was never in doubt. I enjoyed it.
Love
AcidCat
PS - The therapeutic power of blogging. I feel so much better and more positive about the whole experience having looked over the day as a whole instead of how I came back and just looked at all the things I had screwed up and felt that hadn't gone well.
It didn't go particularly well.
I filled my time this morning tidying up like crazy - in case we came back to my flat, as it needed doing anyway, and also as a displacement activity to try and prevent me from getting nervous.
I picked her up from her flat. Her flatmate answered, and we had a bit of a chat. I don't know the rules of dating so this was already not going to plan. I wasn't sure if this person knew I was taking R----- out on a date (or even whether I was there to see her) so I already felt off-guard.
We went to the Bodyworlds exhibit in the O2 centre.
The journey down was slightly awkward. The conversation didn't really flow and I was feeling a bit nervous, despite my best efforts.
We arrived a little early and we stood by the river for a bit, and for some reason the conversation started flowing a little more freely.
The actual Bodyworlds exhibition was enjoyable and well recommended for anyone - even if you aren't studying any medical/physiology discipline. Some of the exhibits are artistic, some are informative. It's a really good way of getting a feel for what's happening to you below the surface of the skin. I was slightly in awe in that place (a bit like being in a church or place of worship) which kept the conversation slightly stop-start.
We finished the exhibition feeling slightly ravenous. I don't think it's particularly an effect of being around the preserved cadavers - for me certainly it was largely due to nerves meaning that I had only eaten a few slices of toast up till that point. We went to a reasonably mediocre Native American Indian themed steak restaurant inside the O2.
We went to NamcoStation - an arcade where we played some computer games, and I got humiliated at air hockey and a stompy game a bit like DDR. I did about as well as she did on the Time Crisis shooters, with her scoring more points my improved survival.
We wandered along the Thames towards Chinatown. By the time we arrived it was quite late and most the shops were shutting. We went to Haagen-Daz Cafe, but were severely underwhelmed by the selection, so we went to Ben and Jerry's (closed), tried one of the Chinese cafes for bubble tea instead at 10:55, but they told me that they were closing at 11. I tried to flirt and play with the (male) waiter to persuade them to serve us - but when they clearly weren't about to budge I started really laying it on thick and teasing them - until R----- finally dragged me away. I thought that I had embarrassed her, but she said she just found it funny.
We ended up at a nearby internet cafe where we rounded off the evening, before heading back on the tube, and walking back from the tube station.
I think the date itself was quite fun - if I hadn't intended it as a date, and it was just two people going out and having a good time, it certainly did that. I was just disappointed because I'm not sure we had real chemistry going on. I'm still incredibly attracted to her, but I don't know if it will work. I loved spending time with her and learned so many fantastic, fascinating things about her. I was a little disappointed that I didn't even hold her hand, let alone finish the night with a kiss, but then again I do worry I'm a wuss. She said she had a nice time and that she'd like to do that kind of thing with me again, but I wonder if I've just wandered into the friend category. I can think of worse places to be, but compared with my hopes and dreams it's a slightly disappointing second best.
I still really love her. I'm just feeling a bit deflated now.
Hopefully a night of sleep and life will feel good again.
Maybe it was mostly first night nerves.
Love to everyone, but especially R-----. Thank you for a fun day. That much was never in doubt. I enjoyed it.
Love
AcidCat
PS - The therapeutic power of blogging. I feel so much better and more positive about the whole experience having looked over the day as a whole instead of how I came back and just looked at all the things I had screwed up and felt that hadn't gone well.
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