Lack of sleep has finally caught up with me. Two days of working late into the evening has reared its head. I managed to sleep through countless alarms and wake up very late, just finally skidding into the dissection room on time by cutting down heavily on my morning routine. Lectures were a painful experience, with my low concentration, even though the lecturers were good, and lectures were interesting.
Big plus point today was the wonderful one gave me a late birthday present. She was a little annoyed that I'd kept it all a secret beforehand, and got me a gift. She's so lovely. It's a little silly book, but I love it so much just because of who it's from. She also said something that she really liked the small gift I got for her birthday, which gave me a wonderful, warm feeling.
Sadly I haven't really had a chance to speak to her or be with her today. My feelings for her do worry me sometimes. I think I love her, I really want her to be happy, almost more than anything else. I also really want her for myself, but am terrified about trying to take things any further, in case I hurt her, or she breaks my heart badly. Also I don't want to ruin our friendship, not that we're super-close at the moment (partly due to my awkwardness around girls I really like), but it would really sadden me hugely if I lost her from my life entirely.
On an incidental note, where is the line between being a stalker and being nice? It's something I've wrestled with, about whether I could get her a birthday cake/gift and the extent of the gift I could get. But how much time can I get away with spending with her? Can I get away with dropping by her flat on a whim? I've constantly got to keep myself from doing stuff just on the off-chance that she might be there - those actions lead to madness...
I'm off to bed, so have a good evening, and have a good weekend.
AcidCat
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