Damn

Just got back from my first ever date, and feel that it's particularly appropriate that it's now April Fool's Day.

It didn't go particularly well.

I filled my time this morning tidying up like crazy - in case we came back to my flat, as it needed doing anyway, and also as a displacement activity to try and prevent me from getting nervous.

I picked her up from her flat. Her flatmate answered, and we had a bit of a chat. I don't know the rules of dating so this was already not going to plan. I wasn't sure if this person knew I was taking R----- out on a date (or even whether I was there to see her) so I already felt off-guard.

We went to the Bodyworlds exhibit in the O2 centre.

The journey down was slightly awkward. The conversation didn't really flow and I was feeling a bit nervous, despite my best efforts.

We arrived a little early and we stood by the river for a bit, and for some reason the conversation started flowing a little more freely.

The actual Bodyworlds exhibition was enjoyable and well recommended for anyone - even if you aren't studying any medical/physiology discipline. Some of the exhibits are artistic, some are informative. It's a really good way of getting a feel for what's happening to you below the surface of the skin. I was slightly in awe in that place (a bit like being in a church or place of worship) which kept the conversation slightly stop-start.

We finished the exhibition feeling slightly ravenous. I don't think it's particularly an effect of being around the preserved cadavers - for me certainly it was largely due to nerves meaning that I had only eaten a few slices of toast up till that point. We went to a reasonably mediocre Native American Indian themed steak restaurant inside the O2.

We went to NamcoStation - an arcade where we played some computer games, and I got humiliated at air hockey and a stompy game a bit like DDR. I did about as well as she did on the Time Crisis shooters, with her scoring more points my improved survival.

We wandered along the Thames towards Chinatown. By the time we arrived it was quite late and most the shops were shutting. We went to Haagen-Daz Cafe, but were severely underwhelmed by the selection, so we went to Ben and Jerry's (closed), tried one of the Chinese cafes for bubble tea instead at 10:55, but they told me that they were closing at 11. I tried to flirt and play with the (male) waiter to persuade them to serve us - but when they clearly weren't about to budge I started really laying it on thick and teasing them - until R----- finally dragged me away. I thought that I had embarrassed her, but she said she just found it funny.

We ended up at a nearby internet cafe where we rounded off the evening, before heading back on the tube, and walking back from the tube station.

I think the date itself was quite fun - if I hadn't intended it as a date, and it was just two people going out and having a good time, it certainly did that. I was just disappointed because I'm not sure we had real chemistry going on. I'm still incredibly attracted to her, but I don't know if it will work. I loved spending time with her and learned so many fantastic, fascinating things about her. I was a little disappointed that I didn't even hold her hand, let alone finish the night with a kiss, but then again I do worry I'm a wuss. She said she had a nice time and that she'd like to do that kind of thing with me again, but I wonder if I've just wandered into the friend category. I can think of worse places to be, but compared with my hopes and dreams it's a slightly disappointing second best.

I still really love her. I'm just feeling a bit deflated now.

Hopefully a night of sleep and life will feel good again.

Maybe it was mostly first night nerves.

Love to everyone, but especially R-----. Thank you for a fun day. That much was never in doubt. I enjoyed it.

Love
AcidCat

PS - The therapeutic power of blogging. I feel so much better and more positive about the whole experience having looked over the day as a whole instead of how I came back and just looked at all the things I had screwed up and felt that hadn't gone well.