I've had a wonderful weekend where I did the minimum amount of work, went to parties and saw some of my beloved family who are incredibly fantastic and who I love very much. I know I'm incredibly lucky to get on well with my folks, when so many come from more dysfunctional families.
The only thing that has slightly spoiled it was realising how much power that she has over me. Today's party made me happy to see her when we were exchanging glances across the room, nervous when she invited me to sit next to her, and furious and sad when a misunderstanding made her pissed off at me for something that I hadn't done.
I hate people having power over me. Can I break my addiction by blowing up her flaws and minor things I don't like about her?
AcidCat
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4 comments:
Hi Acidcat,
If I'm not being too nosy, may I ask who 'she' is? Is she your former girlfriend?
Ash
Hey Ash,
"She" is my current crush. I'm lucky in that I haven't had to have any real contact with my ex since the break up. I kinda lost contact with our mutual circle of old friends as it was just too painful.
I was just complaining about the power of my current crush as I just realised that my attraction to her isn't something my brain can break. Rationally, I know I would be much better off chasing someone else. Maybe someone I wasn't friends with, maybe someone who wasn't on the same course so we had more different things to talk about and if it went wrong we could disappear off in the distance and not hurt each other. The thing is though she feels about 95% perfect for me in other ways, and she just makes my heart race. A lot of her imperfections which are the kinds of things that would put other people off her are things that I love (because I'm basically a bit weird).
In case you hadn't guessed, yes I have been spending far too much time thinking about her recently.
AcidCat
Dear Acidcat,
Until I met my beloved, I would also give my heart to people who didn't want it but I guess my instinct of self preservation used to make me kill my feelings for them when they weren't reciprocated.. I wish you could do that too.. But I guess you basically feel more deeply about your crushes than most people do..
Ash
Hey Ash,
Thanks for your kind and supportive words. I've managed to gather my courage together and try a third alternative option :)
AcidCat
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