Dear past

Dear C--, C----, H---- and S----,

Hi guys. I've lost touch with you a long time ago, but have been thinking of you, so decided to write to you all.

You guys don't know, but I've just started at uni (again) and am finding it pretty hard. The work is unbelievably difficult (nothing I've done before has prepared me for this) but socialising has been even harder.

I've never been the most outgoing person, and although I love having friends, I'm not very good at meeting new people. I don't have the huge charisma that some people do. I'm a fiercely loyal, trustworthy person, but it's not enough to make people fascinated by me. And I don't exactly ooze confidence, so I end up as the person in the corner at parties and on their own during the short breaks between work.

Basically I wanted to thank you all for making my first trip through uni enjoyable. You were some of my first proper friends at uni first time round. You took me under your wing, and dragged me to come out. You were a hell of a lot of fun to be with, and I really enjoyed myself when I was around you. You even made me believe I could be fun and exciting myself.

We got on well enough to live together.

I'm so sorry I screwed it all up.

I didn't realise it at the time. Me and M hooking up didn't help. I still don't quite know how it all went so pear-shaped (I also lay some of the blame at A--- sharing with us via C--. He manipulated our naivety and began the rot). Anyway I'm really sorry I ended up screwing it all up between us, and between you all and M (I still feel guilty about that bit now).

Please just accept my apology. I was young and immature. I hadn't had a serious relationship and it swallowed my life up entirely. I was so completely and madly in love that I just dove right in. I felt whole for the first time in my entire life. A missing part of me just fit together, and so I just grabbed the chance and ran with it.

I should have kept the other parts of my life and time going better. I should have noticed the (rather explicit warning S---- gave me at the Xmas flat party). I should have done more when H---- made the peace making phone calls.

Basically I screwed up. In a big way.

I've lost touch with all of you completely for around 6 years. I genuinely hope you're all well and life is treating you well.

I don't know if I'll ever see any of you again (probably not). If I do, I hope you've forgiven me, and you don't take delight in the way my life has turned out and what happened between me and M.

Hope luck follows you all in the future, wherever you all are, whatever you're all doing.

Love
AcidCat