To try and earn some money to fund my life, I'm trying to spend a little bit of time tutoring chemistry. I put my details on a tutoring website, and had my first student called M------- today.
I was a bit annoyed as M------- is extremely disorganised. For example, I rang her a week ago asking her to ring me back to confirm a lesson after talking to her parents. I ended up having to ring her the day before the lesson was due to take place (multiple times) trying to get it confirmed.
I turned up after travelling for over an hour to get there, only to find that she hadn't discussed details with her parents till that day. I arrive at her flat, which was squalid, and smelt appalling (seriously ~R, if you think I'm bad, you haven't seen anything - think something off Kim and Aggie). There were three youngish sons from about 6-14 who were running amok (but seemed like really lovely kids).
I met M-------'s father, Thomas, who wanted to talk to me about how we were going to do the lessons and everything like that. I don't mind that, and I normally allow time for that, but it took a lot longer than I wanted. In addition, apparently, M------- hadn't told him my rates before he said it was ok, and he said he can't afford them (having seen their living conditions, I'm not surprised and it wasn't just a bargaining tactic). I agreed to take her for the reduced rate, but we were going to meet somewhere more convenient for me in future. I found it was an example of low socioeconomic background forming a barrier for education, so I thought I'd do my bit to help someone poorer try and improve themselves. To be honest, I wasn't a big fan of the father, but the kids were really nice. The sons were clearly crying out for attention, and were trying to impress me - I really think the parenting could do with a lot of work: Dad needs to spend more time with kids without piling on the pressure (I could see him being classic pushy parent with M-------).
I thought after coming all this way, I would do the lesson (otherwise the morning would have been a complete write off), despite the fact that it would make me miss gymnastics. I told them that we couldn't do the lesson in their home (it was far too chaotic and messy and loud with the kids - not their fault, just not amenable to work). So we went to their "local" library - which ended up being quite a long walk away.
I spoke to M------- on the walk down, and my instincts about pushy parenting were confirmed. I asked the questions that I couldn't ask in front of her dad, finding out how big the task in front of us was. My fears were confirmed - her dad didn't realise how bad her results were and how much of a struggle trying to improve them would be. I also found out her motivation for tutoring, as she also genuinely wanted to learn. She realised that if she gets high enough results to go to university she'll have a chance for freedom and space. Sadly due to pushy parenting (dad wanted her to be a doctor) she's chosen a very optimistic course - pharmacy at Manchester - requiring a B. As someone who scored so low in her AS chemistry that her school won't let her take A2 chemistry (so she's doing it from learning with me and self-teaching), I really think that it's slightly mission impossible.
This was only confirmed to me when I actually took her for the lesson. Her skills were appallingly bad. She struggled to balance chemical equations - a skill that I thought was required for GCSE chemistry - let alone A level. I took her through a discussion of enthalpy changes.
In the end I gave about 3 hours to M------- and her dad for 80% of the money that we agreed on for one hour. (Including the travel time and expenses, I took significantly less than minimum wage for this). I've taken on a pretty much impossible mission that I am likely to fail on. I'd really like to see her do well though.
An interesting thing struck me when I was trying to motivate her, and also discuss her study habits. I told her that she had a big task ahead of her, and she would have to work really hard to have even a chance of achieving her goal. She'd have to make sacrifices and start being pro-active with her learning - I asked her to take time to work without distractions, to answer questions and read over her notes. But the rewards were good and were clearly something that she wants.
I realised a lot of this applies to me in my learning. I'm not working hard enough, and I'm not working smart enough. I need to test myself more by answering questions. I need to work without music and without flicking to websites or distracting myself with comic books. When I work - I need to work hard. That will give me enough time to play and be with ~R, my favourite thing in the world.
And the possible rewards for me are great too. I can be a doctor, but not only that - if I work hard enough, I can help ~R too. I know she struggles sometimes, not because she's not smart enough (I think she's actually smarter than I am), just because she's never learned how to apply her cleverness to learning. So if I can find ways to make things she struggles with easy to learn and interesting, it would make me really happy. I love her so much, and would love to feel that I have stuff to offer her. She makes me so incredibly happy, and she says I make her happy. I just want to be good enough, so that she never turns round and thinks I'm not good enough for her and we need to part our ways. I love her and want her for as long as I can have her.
This is an unbelievably over-long and rambling post, so I'm going to stop there.
AcidCat
Showing posts with label exams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exams. Show all posts
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Catching up
I realise I haven't put up a blog post for ages - last post was end of May, so I've gone the whole of June and most of July without updating. As a result, I'm just going to briefly list some of the salient points of the past two months so I feel like I've caught up. If I don't at least mention them here it will feel like I've got an itch that I can't quite scratch.
The main reason I haven't posted for most of this time is due to exam panic. I had a lot of exams around the beginning of July, so I spent a lot of time revising and panicking. I had an entire term's worth of work, which incidentally was the most difficult term of work so far (two modules, one on the musculoskeletal system (and skin) and one on neuroscience and psychiatry), so there was a lot of anatomy to learn. In addition I had a practical exam (OSCE) which tested any of the clinical procedures that we had learnt over the past year. As I only just scraped past the practice OSCE earlier this year, I was terrified. In the event I managed to pass all those exams acceptably well, so will be returning to university next year.
The other central part of my life recently has been the wonderful ~R. I've been spending a lot of time with her and think things have been going well. I'm very much in love with her and she makes me so very happy. I love being with her and having her near me. My addiction to her made it harder for me to concentrate on work, as my mind keeps drifting back to her. I'm really pleased that she too has passed her exams so will be coming back next year. However, she's away in America doing a project with her friend for the whole summer and I miss her lots. She won't be back until the holiday is over. I must admit I'm a bit scared that like my ex-, she'll come back and end the relationship. I really hope not. She's been gone less than a week (since Monday), but it feels like an age already.
Other things:
Well, my sister has moved into a new house that she has bought and it's really pretty. I'm looking forwards to the day I can afford my own house!
I've got a new house for next year, having moved out of student halls. I've moved in with three of my flatmates from this year and we have a little house just minutes from the hospital. It's quite nice, moving was a pain though and the kitchen is ant infested, the bathroom is crap, and the furniture is broken. My room itself is reasonably nice, having come second out of the hat when we were assigning rooms.
I'm off to Asia for two weeks with two of my flatmates at the end of August, just before term starts. One of them (J--) lives in Brunei, and offered to show us around, so myself and L--- are going to visit him. J-- has helped us organise going to Malaysia and Thailand as well, it's going to be amazing and I can't wait, but there's still a lot of organisation to do.
Until then, I've got a little job in the dissecting room. It involves removing all the soft tissue from the arm (below the shoulder blade), leaving only the bones and ligaments (and those muscles that prevent the top of the arm (humerus) falling out of the shoulder blade cup (glenoid fossa)). It pays minimum wage, but it's quite fun, and I'm learning anatomy as I go. There's also some other nice people doing it, so it's quite a fun experience.
Anyway, I'm getting tired, so I'm going to end this update here. If I can I'd like to keep going and maybe go into a bit more detail, but this will do for this post.
Goodnight everyone!
love
AcidCat
The main reason I haven't posted for most of this time is due to exam panic. I had a lot of exams around the beginning of July, so I spent a lot of time revising and panicking. I had an entire term's worth of work, which incidentally was the most difficult term of work so far (two modules, one on the musculoskeletal system (and skin) and one on neuroscience and psychiatry), so there was a lot of anatomy to learn. In addition I had a practical exam (OSCE) which tested any of the clinical procedures that we had learnt over the past year. As I only just scraped past the practice OSCE earlier this year, I was terrified. In the event I managed to pass all those exams acceptably well, so will be returning to university next year.
The other central part of my life recently has been the wonderful ~R. I've been spending a lot of time with her and think things have been going well. I'm very much in love with her and she makes me so very happy. I love being with her and having her near me. My addiction to her made it harder for me to concentrate on work, as my mind keeps drifting back to her. I'm really pleased that she too has passed her exams so will be coming back next year. However, she's away in America doing a project with her friend for the whole summer and I miss her lots. She won't be back until the holiday is over. I must admit I'm a bit scared that like my ex-, she'll come back and end the relationship. I really hope not. She's been gone less than a week (since Monday), but it feels like an age already.
Other things:
Well, my sister has moved into a new house that she has bought and it's really pretty. I'm looking forwards to the day I can afford my own house!
I've got a new house for next year, having moved out of student halls. I've moved in with three of my flatmates from this year and we have a little house just minutes from the hospital. It's quite nice, moving was a pain though and the kitchen is ant infested, the bathroom is crap, and the furniture is broken. My room itself is reasonably nice, having come second out of the hat when we were assigning rooms.
I'm off to Asia for two weeks with two of my flatmates at the end of August, just before term starts. One of them (J--) lives in Brunei, and offered to show us around, so myself and L--- are going to visit him. J-- has helped us organise going to Malaysia and Thailand as well, it's going to be amazing and I can't wait, but there's still a lot of organisation to do.
Until then, I've got a little job in the dissecting room. It involves removing all the soft tissue from the arm (below the shoulder blade), leaving only the bones and ligaments (and those muscles that prevent the top of the arm (humerus) falling out of the shoulder blade cup (glenoid fossa)). It pays minimum wage, but it's quite fun, and I'm learning anatomy as I go. There's also some other nice people doing it, so it's quite a fun experience.
Anyway, I'm getting tired, so I'm going to end this update here. If I can I'd like to keep going and maybe go into a bit more detail, but this will do for this post.
Goodnight everyone!
love
AcidCat
Friday, April 17, 2009
Pass!
Turns out the last exam on the endocrine system (hormones) went well:
Basic & Clinical science
Mark 78%
Pass Mark 52%
Mean 67%
Range 47-82%
Personal Professional Development (Ethics and law etc.)
Mark 95%
Pass Mark 50%
Mean 61%
Range 0-100%
Community and population health (Sociology and epidemiology etc.)
Mark 70 %
Pass Mark 53%
Mean 74%
Range 35-93%
I'm particularly pleased with the basic clinical science mark as that's the one which has some relevance to one's abilities as a doctor. The other two I'm just aiming to pass.
Had a good evening of eating, drinking, and lewd merry making with the wonderful R-----, and also the fun, entertaining T----, A----, S----, C------ and S----'s friend S---. It was a good evening and I'm happy now. Have to be up very early tomorrow to go to a conference with R----- and V-- which should be fun, but as I need to be up at the crack of dawn, I'm off to bed now.
Good night!
AcidCat
Basic & Clinical science
Mark 78%
Pass Mark 52%
Mean 67%
Range 47-82%
Personal Professional Development (Ethics and law etc.)
Mark 95%
Pass Mark 50%
Mean 61%
Range 0-100%
Community and population health (Sociology and epidemiology etc.)
Mark 70 %
Pass Mark 53%
Mean 74%
Range 35-93%
I'm particularly pleased with the basic clinical science mark as that's the one which has some relevance to one's abilities as a doctor. The other two I'm just aiming to pass.
Had a good evening of eating, drinking, and lewd merry making with the wonderful R-----, and also the fun, entertaining T----, A----, S----, C------ and S----'s friend S---. It was a good evening and I'm happy now. Have to be up very early tomorrow to go to a conference with R----- and V-- which should be fun, but as I need to be up at the crack of dawn, I'm off to bed now.
Good night!
AcidCat
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Testing times
Today I had the end of module exam. Topics covered included upper and lower GI tract, kidney function, thyroid function and pancreatic function (and the associated insulin and diabetes). I think it went ok, but then again the examiner did say the exam was easy (therefore the pass mark will be higher), and also, any time on this course I thought the exam went well I end up with a bad mark, and conversely when I think the exam went poorly, the mark so far has been ok. So, no judgements, just time to wait for the marks to come out.
Went to the pub to unwind afterwards, but I think I'm cursed with the local that the uni kids go to. I never seem to have a particularly fun time while I'm there. The best experience I think I've had while there has been geeking out and playing chess with C-------- after the last exam. Didn't have a wonderful time, and when the people I was with invited me back to halls for coffee, I jumped at the opportunity. Especially as one of them was the wonderful one.
Spent the early evening around the wonderful one's kitchen. I really like all of the people who live in that flat, so I had a lot of fun. The coffee made me a bit jittery though as I don't really do caffeine: Never normally drink coffee, rarely drink tea, occasionally drink cola. I got a bit shy and awkward around the wonderful one again, partly think it was because we were both tired from the exam and the revision for the exam all week long.
Anyway, went to a party with some of the kids from uni, and had a good time. I rarely drink alcohol, so today as people were pushing alcohol in my general direction, I drank too much which hit my system far too quickly. I got annoyed with myself for getting drunk, and also that people were starting to guess about my infatuation with the wonderful one. And I knew who was spreading the rumours, which annoyed me a bit too - but a useful lesson to know that L--- (as nice as she is) can't be trusted with anything she takes to be potentially juicy gossip. Another thing that spoiled my evening was that the person I thought was the biggest arsehole on the course confirmed it today, by getting high and groping a lot of girls against their will and tackling me to the ground. I almost punched him, but I was glad I managed to control my rage. I do wonder who would have won a fight between us though. Physically he's larger and probably stronger, I'd be relying on speed and knowing where to hit. Let's hope it isn't put to the test.
On the happy finish for the party: I spent a lovely time with one of the nicest girls on the course C------, who I think is wonderful. I got to spend some time chatting to my gym buddy T---- who is a really cool guy and a role model for how I want to change. I also spent some time talking to some old friends (like M---, one of my favourites from my first PBL group) and spent a bit of time getting to know some coursemates a little bit better. And I had a chance to dance, and take lots of photos.
Anyway, am now back, have had a drink of water, so hopefully shouldn't be hit hard by a hangover tomorrow, and am nearly ready for bed. Am looking forwards to a rare weekend of leisure: it's going to be amazing!
Love and peace and hope to you all
AcidCat
PS: Seriously, random question about leukaemia? What the hell does that have to do with GI, kidney, pancreas or thyroid? And is it so much to ask to expect the exam questions to be proof-read for spelling, grammar and have them generally make sense?
Went to the pub to unwind afterwards, but I think I'm cursed with the local that the uni kids go to. I never seem to have a particularly fun time while I'm there. The best experience I think I've had while there has been geeking out and playing chess with C-------- after the last exam. Didn't have a wonderful time, and when the people I was with invited me back to halls for coffee, I jumped at the opportunity. Especially as one of them was the wonderful one.
Spent the early evening around the wonderful one's kitchen. I really like all of the people who live in that flat, so I had a lot of fun. The coffee made me a bit jittery though as I don't really do caffeine: Never normally drink coffee, rarely drink tea, occasionally drink cola. I got a bit shy and awkward around the wonderful one again, partly think it was because we were both tired from the exam and the revision for the exam all week long.
Anyway, went to a party with some of the kids from uni, and had a good time. I rarely drink alcohol, so today as people were pushing alcohol in my general direction, I drank too much which hit my system far too quickly. I got annoyed with myself for getting drunk, and also that people were starting to guess about my infatuation with the wonderful one. And I knew who was spreading the rumours, which annoyed me a bit too - but a useful lesson to know that L--- (as nice as she is) can't be trusted with anything she takes to be potentially juicy gossip. Another thing that spoiled my evening was that the person I thought was the biggest arsehole on the course confirmed it today, by getting high and groping a lot of girls against their will and tackling me to the ground. I almost punched him, but I was glad I managed to control my rage. I do wonder who would have won a fight between us though. Physically he's larger and probably stronger, I'd be relying on speed and knowing where to hit. Let's hope it isn't put to the test.
On the happy finish for the party: I spent a lovely time with one of the nicest girls on the course C------, who I think is wonderful. I got to spend some time chatting to my gym buddy T---- who is a really cool guy and a role model for how I want to change. I also spent some time talking to some old friends (like M---, one of my favourites from my first PBL group) and spent a bit of time getting to know some coursemates a little bit better. And I had a chance to dance, and take lots of photos.
Anyway, am now back, have had a drink of water, so hopefully shouldn't be hit hard by a hangover tomorrow, and am nearly ready for bed. Am looking forwards to a rare weekend of leisure: it's going to be amazing!
Love and peace and hope to you all
AcidCat
PS: Seriously, random question about leukaemia? What the hell does that have to do with GI, kidney, pancreas or thyroid? And is it so much to ask to expect the exam questions to be proof-read for spelling, grammar and have them generally make sense?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Grr...
Exam this Friday. Am stressed. Am feeling disconnected with the world and a bit annoyed. Going stir-crazy and am a bit sick of being here, being alone, and being without her. Going to try and find a punchbag tomorrow.
AcidCat
AcidCat
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Life examination
Feeling a bit out of sorts today.
The big plus point of today was receiving my exam results. Did ok in the mock practical... failed most of the stations, but did well enough to scrape a pass overall. Most pleasingly was that I did quite well in the written exam that actually counts, despite finding the exam incredibly difficult. Well enough to drag my average up nicely (to below average for the year but as I was well below before, I'm still pleased) especially in the basic clinical science that I was doing very badly in. I'm still concerned that despite scoring reasonably well on that, I don't feel like I know the material very well.
Anyway, I feel like I don't belong again. One of my flatmates is a selfish bastard who doesn't like me, takes everything he can, winds me up and tries to put in sly jabs at every possible opportunity. If it wasn't for his presence, it would be a great flat. Oh well. I'm just going to try the minimal contact approach and see how that goes.
I've also been thinking about her. I don't know if I'll ever have her, which makes me feel sad and lonely. I wish I didn't feel this way about her. It makes me overanalyse all my actions and thoughts. Am I wishing for something I don't really want anyway? I wonder if this is a case of head saying no, but heart saying yes.
Can't wait for the weekend. Weekend without her as she's away, and a weekend that (assuming I can get on top of work) allows me to get away from the course and flat for most of the time.
Time for me to crack on with work to give me the weekend, and hypnotise/positive think my way out of my head.
AcidCat
The big plus point of today was receiving my exam results. Did ok in the mock practical... failed most of the stations, but did well enough to scrape a pass overall. Most pleasingly was that I did quite well in the written exam that actually counts, despite finding the exam incredibly difficult. Well enough to drag my average up nicely (to below average for the year but as I was well below before, I'm still pleased) especially in the basic clinical science that I was doing very badly in. I'm still concerned that despite scoring reasonably well on that, I don't feel like I know the material very well.
Anyway, I feel like I don't belong again. One of my flatmates is a selfish bastard who doesn't like me, takes everything he can, winds me up and tries to put in sly jabs at every possible opportunity. If it wasn't for his presence, it would be a great flat. Oh well. I'm just going to try the minimal contact approach and see how that goes.
I've also been thinking about her. I don't know if I'll ever have her, which makes me feel sad and lonely. I wish I didn't feel this way about her. It makes me overanalyse all my actions and thoughts. Am I wishing for something I don't really want anyway? I wonder if this is a case of head saying no, but heart saying yes.
Can't wait for the weekend. Weekend without her as she's away, and a weekend that (assuming I can get on top of work) allows me to get away from the course and flat for most of the time.
Time for me to crack on with work to give me the weekend, and hypnotise/positive think my way out of my head.
AcidCat
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Made of fail
Finally got my exam results today.
In the core clinical science, I scraped a pass in one (literally got the pass mark), and the other one I failed. Pass mark 52%, my mark 49%.
Not happy about that. I'm not used to failure. Hell, I'm not even used to scraping by in things that I like and care about. If I'd scraped a pass in both, I'd still be pissed off.
I mean, this was my GAMSAT test result that I used to get into medical school in the first place:
This was meant to be a really hard exam (which puts people off applying to certain medical schools that request it) and I did well. I scored 95% on Section III (the science test). So it's a huge dent to my pride and confidence to fail on science in this exam. And score significantly below the mean mark in both.
I'm really pissed off. I'm also reconsidering whether I should be here/deserve to be here.
Will soldier on and think about it more over the weekend.
AcidCat
In the core clinical science, I scraped a pass in one (literally got the pass mark), and the other one I failed. Pass mark 52%, my mark 49%.
Not happy about that. I'm not used to failure. Hell, I'm not even used to scraping by in things that I like and care about. If I'd scraped a pass in both, I'd still be pissed off.
I mean, this was my GAMSAT test result that I used to get into medical school in the first place:
This was meant to be a really hard exam (which puts people off applying to certain medical schools that request it) and I did well. I scored 95% on Section III (the science test). So it's a huge dent to my pride and confidence to fail on science in this exam. And score significantly below the mean mark in both.
I'm really pissed off. I'm also reconsidering whether I should be here/deserve to be here.
Will soldier on and think about it more over the weekend.
AcidCat
Friday, December 12, 2008
Testing times
Finally finished exams for the year (one went ok, one went not so well, we'll see how it goes when the results get posted just after Xmas).
It's a really weird feeling to go from working at full speed and constantly needing to be somewhere or do something, to not really having to do anything urgently. I've had a lot of fun since my exams ended on Wednesday lunchtime, but haven't really achieved anything, despite needing to get lots of admin done. It's a sign I need the pressure to achieve. That was clear with my revision - the four days I had available, the first 3 days I procrastinated a lot, and the fourth day was a solid cramming session. If I'd worked as hard over all 4 days as I did for the final day, I think that I would have done considerably better in the Xmas exams. If I'd worked that hard all term, I would have a near perfect exam paper, but be the wrong side of mental and physical collapse, so non-ideal.
Anyway, I'm not really in the mood to blog right now, so I'm going to stop there. I do have more to say, so I may be back soon if I get in the zone.
AcidCat
It's a really weird feeling to go from working at full speed and constantly needing to be somewhere or do something, to not really having to do anything urgently. I've had a lot of fun since my exams ended on Wednesday lunchtime, but haven't really achieved anything, despite needing to get lots of admin done. It's a sign I need the pressure to achieve. That was clear with my revision - the four days I had available, the first 3 days I procrastinated a lot, and the fourth day was a solid cramming session. If I'd worked as hard over all 4 days as I did for the final day, I think that I would have done considerably better in the Xmas exams. If I'd worked that hard all term, I would have a near perfect exam paper, but be the wrong side of mental and physical collapse, so non-ideal.
Anyway, I'm not really in the mood to blog right now, so I'm going to stop there. I do have more to say, so I may be back soon if I get in the zone.
AcidCat
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