2011

Hi everybody.

Apologies for any lack of posting. My main reasons for it are a lack of time, energy and interest, a million other things to do and ~R having discovered this blog. I let her use my laptop and I think it appeared in my history.

As such I consider this blog semi-finished and myself semi-retired. My life seems vaguely on track now and it's time for me to start again on new projects. I think that I may pop on occasionally for my own benefit, but any updates here are going to be very, very infrequent. I like the idea of blogging so I may start a new one.

Anyway: here are my new year resolutions for 2011:

1) Get fitter, lose weight (same as every year, and same for most people)
2) Stop procrastinating. Just do stuff.
3) Blog on any one of my new blogs at least weekly.
4) Be happy.
5) Say yes more. Not all the time, but just more.

AcidCat

Happy New Year

Hi everyone! Happy new year!
No posts for ages, sorry. I've been really rather busy. I don't know if there will be a catch up post or not, but at least let's start the new year by posting stuff...

Summary of 2009

• Relationship with ~R - I had no idea I could get someone I had sought after for so long.
  
• Still at med school, passed all the exams but don't really know enough.
• Still on anti-depressants, mood still fluctuating.
• Went on an explore round bits of Asia. Mixed experience, but I learned a lot from it.
  

New year's resolutions

1. Be happy
2. Keep ~R happy
3. Be nice to people, especially my family
4. Work more efficiently - work when I work, play when I play: keep the two separate.
5. Get fit. Actually go to gymnastics and master the flips I want.
6. Make the most of where I am now. Don't compare it to where I could be/should be.

There's loads more things I want to do, (blog more regularly, see more friends, take up new activities, turn up on time to stuff) but they're less important. I think 6 resolutions are already too many, but then again they can be summarised more briefly to.

1. Be happy and appreciate how good my life is.
2. Be nice to people.
3. Be efficient.
4. Get fit.

Which seems much less over-whelming. 1 and 2 are most important, 3 and 4 may be more challenging.

Anyway, good luck to everyone, and may you have a happy, successful and prosperous 2010!

AcidCat

Life Control

I've spent too long wallowing in depression and panic. Work is difficult and I'm not working hard enough.

As a result: I am going to stop procrastinating.

This will take the following forms:

1) I will only check the BBC news website, Facebook once daily.
2) I will only play starpirates once daily (I haven't linked it as it's a terrible game, but only started playing it to feel closer to ~R when I was stalking her. I knew she played it, and I didn't tell her that I was playing it too.
3) I will take regular breaks from work. Every 30 minutes or so, I will take a short break, do a few press-ups walk around, then come back and work harder.

In addition, to help me feel happier, I will develop a morning ritual. This will involve:
1) Tea
2) Exercise - Probably 20 press-ups
3) Positive thoughts

I am going to take control of my life and happiness again. ~R helps make me happy, but I need to rely on myself.

AcidCat

Chinese New Year resolutions

Just got back from a Tube station themed party (I pillaged the nearest hedge, and with the benefit of copious sticky tape and staples, went as "Bushey" - without realising that Bushey is only an overground railway station and not an underground. Sigh. The costume almost doubles up for Green Park or Wood Green) which I wasn't very keen on going to. I was thinking of ditching it as I wasn't in the mood up until climbing into the cab.

As you might be able to guess as I'm now writing this after 5 am, I had a lovely time, really enjoyed myself and was thoroughly glad I went. I received a lovely compliment from a friend (L----) who didn't realise I was having second thoughts about medicine, who said that I would make a good doctor and said I was very talented and that I had a lot of charisma which in his opinion was a large part of the battle with doctoring (this coming from a guy who is super-charismatic). The whole evening shows an advantage to saying yes.

So, in honour of this, and as I made so many New year resolutions that I lost track of them, here are my Chinese new year resolutions...

1) Be Happy.
2) Be Focussed (i.e. when working I'm going to work, when playing I'm going to play. I'm not going to mix the two).
3) If I don't know whether to say yes or no, I'm going to say yes.

3 resolutions seems reasonable. Let's do it!

AcidCat

Fight the demons

I've spent the time since my last post feeling a bit low. I felt a failure, I felt pretty much friendless, like no-one really cared. I wasn't sure if I was meant to be here. I was confused and overwhelmed by the work, yet couldn't muster the motivation to do it. I felt the clouds of depression moving in on me. I've barely left my room except to do the things I had to, and go to lectures.

I spent some time thinking about it today. I was worried that the Prozac had stopped working for me.

Then I realised: I was fine before I got the results. That meant, the prozac was working fine. It was just the way I was responding and handling the knock-back which was screwed up.

My sulking and becoming introspective wasn't helping at all. It was just making me miserable. The only person who is responsible for my happiness is me. So if I'm lonely, and friends don't seem to care, why should they? They don't owe me. Anyway, they might be concerned and not know how to show it/not want to intrude/have their own problems or demons to face.

I still don't know if I'm meant to be here: but even if not, I'm going to do my damned best while I'm here, so I know that I gave it my all. The more I put in, the more I get out, even if I don't end up doing medicine. And who knows, this might end up being the wake up call I need, and things might be better for it (Thanks Ash!).

And while I'm here, thanks to everyone who was trying to be supportive while I was just wallowing and feeling too sorry for myself to notice (or if I noticed, I wasn't able to drag myself out). In particular, thanks to J--, H----, K--, F------, J---- and C------ (who tried to cheer me up by dancing to "Town called Malice" by the Jam).

Got to stay positive. Man up, suck it up, grow a pair.

I made the first steps. This evening, I went into the kitchen, ate my dinner with some of my flatmates and even made a batch of popcorn for them. (I'm getting better at it, but then again, I bloody well ought to, I've been experimenting with popcorn for about 6 years...)

Let's go!

AcidCat

PS. I've caught up to date with XKCD. Well worth a read. I felt a bit sad when I had finished and realised that I'd only get updates a few times a week, instead of having several comics to read per day. I've started re-reading them already...

PPS Fighting virtual demons on computer games is a darn sight easier than fighting metaphorical demons in real life.

Resolutions

200th post!
I'm a big fan of New Year's resolutions. People who don't make them "as they'll just end up breaking them" come across as too defeatist. In my opinion, I'd rather try and maybe fail... and I've got plenty of stuff I'd like to improve in my life, so new year's resolutions seem like a good catalyst to spur me on.

So here are my resolutions for 2009:

1. Be happy and be positive. (The most important one)
   
2. Do constructive acts, avoid doing destructive things (inspired by a NYE conversation with K--).
3. If I'm not sure whether to say yes or no, I'm going to say YES (Danny Wallace rules!).
   
4. Be focussed and motivated (i.e. Work hard, play hard).
5. Get fit. (A perennial one, I've made some progress in the recent past).
   
6. Do unto others as I would like them to do to me... especially to my friends. (They deserve it. I've realised the friends who I can rely on are really wonderful).
   
7. Man up, grow a pair and suck it up! (As I said, not just a resolution, a way of life!)
   
8. Be happy with myself on my own, being comfortable as an individual and comfortable in my own skin. Be confident. (This one's the most challenging)
   

Let's go and have a fantastic 2009!

Good luck with all of your resolutions.

Love
AcidCat